The trouble with chest pain is...

This week is my birthday week. On Friday I will be 34 and I have high hopes for being healthier this upcoming year of my life. I would like to drop about 25lbs and see these fibromyalgia symptoms finally go into some state of remission. That would be a dream. Unfortunately the more that I continue to learn about fibromyalgia, I fear that it might not be possible.

Not to be a total downer but fibromyaliga is rude. This weekend I started feeling really dizzy. We had gone on a family outing with our church to a corn maze 2 hours away. I felt horrible all day. It was cold and I felt like I was floating most of the day. It just wasn't what I wanted it to be. I still had a good time and enjoyed being there. I enjoyed my family and friends. I was just exhausted, more than I should be, by the time that I got home. The following day was spent at church and out navigating some of my in-laws land on a 4-wheeler. It was a fun day, yet again, I came home feeling absolutely exhausted.

Yesterday I woke up with chest pain. Normally that would kind of freak me out, yet I have been down this road before. Last year I went through 3 weeks of being mis-diagnosed with my chest pain. Working at a hospital I have the advantages of being able to talk and get opinions from physicians. One ruled out a heart attack, one ruled it as reflux, another said it was pleurisy, and finally after all of that with treatments that did not work, I went and saw my family doctor and said, "I know this is weird but I have pain right in between my breasts, worse on the right side, yet sometimes it radiates into my back and up my right shoulder. It is a dull constant ache that comes in waves, but never leaves." Dr. Lawrence nonchalantly replied, "Oh, that's easy, you have costochondritis." I was put on prednisone and told to take ibuprofen for the pain. After about 3 days I started to feel a little better. And thus, my reasons for not being alarmed. I was pretty sure that I had it again.

And my suspicion turned out correct. I ran by the doctor's office yesterday afternoon and was put back on prednisone and, this time, naproxen, but the souped up version. What was even crazier is that it was almost a year to the date of having it again. How bizarre is that? Not as bizarre as one would think. I write all that to say that costochondritis is actually really common in fibromyalgia patients. I didn't know this until I saw an article while I was on facebook.

After I saw this shortly after my doctor's appointment, I found this article which was so weird to read.
http://bodyprinciple.wordpress.com/2010/07/04/costochondritis-in-fibromyalgia/

Then as I started to look I found there are several articles just by punching into Google the words Fibromyaglia and Costochondritis. So as annoying as these symptoms are, I suppose I can consider them normal, which is just wrong and not nice at all.

I read something the other day while reading my Bible though that makes this bad time all the more better. "Proverbs 25:27: It’s not smart to stuff yourself with sweets,   nor is glory piled on glory good for you". What I took from that is that if every day was just peachy-keen, I wouldn't appreciate the really good days that I have. It also teaches me to look for the good in a bad situation. Sure, fibromyalgia is no fun at all. However, I refuse to make that my focus. There are going to be bad days, but I want those bad days so that the great days are that much more sweet. So if you are facing a stinky time in your Fibro life, remember to cherish it as well because it will just make your awesome day that is coming up that much better. I haven't given up on my 34th year being the best. But even if it isn't the greatest, I know that it will make other years that much more awesome. Hang in there fibro friends. 

The trouble with rain is...

I woke up to rain. I love the sound of rain. I love rain on a day when I don't have to get up early and can sleep until 10. I feel like God's favorite when I wake up and hear thunder and can go back to sleep because I know that, for that moment, it was just for me. However, I don't like how rain makes me feel.

From what I can tell, it is the rain that makes me hurt worse than normal. I have read different articles on the subject and most of them blame barometric pressure for the issue. Pressure drops when a storm hits and causes us to not have as much cushion in our tissues and lets us feel all the nasty pain that we don't always feel or feel but can deal with. On some days it makes me completely bedridden.

Usually I find relief in my bed because it is warm and cozy there. I actually write this from bed and find that my fingers and shoulders ache but my hips don't hurt as bad because they are warm. Warmth is the cure for rainy days. I have heard others say the same. One reason that fibromyalgia sufferers appear lazy is because they desire to stay in bed because it is warm there, and the warmth keeps us from feeling as bad. I hate appearing lazy.

And thus lies the conundrum that I face: Do I lie in bed all day or do I get up, even though it hurts, and accomplish something? Most days I choose the latter. This life is short. It is too short to spend the day in bed. I want to spend it with people that I love to spend time with. I want to enjoy every moment of this life, even if I have to spend it in pain. I do not want to end up a recluse who is depressed because I have been there and it wasn't fun.

I don't know why I have fibromyalgia. I have not figured out the cause of it. I am not sure how to fix it. What I do know is that there are good days and bad days. You can't appreciate the good days without having the bad days there as well. The bad days make the good days that much more good. So with that being said, I'm going to go enjoy this "bad day" even if I have to hurt to do it. That's what they make ibuprofen for...right?

The trouble with something that works is...

I have not updated my blog in a while. Being an experienced x-ray technologist that only works weekends has its advantages when you are needing some extra money. In the past 3 weeks I have filled in at my current workplace, taking on extra hours, along with working at 2 different clinics. I was concerned that it would stress my body out to the point of putting myself into a flare. It should have since I was working 6 days a week when I am used to only working 2. However, it did not and, even though I am still skeptical, I think I know why.

It all started with a Facebook message:

"This is Chris Garrison(Avon). I have something exciting I want to share with you. I am taking a product that I've been told helps with fibromyalgia, it has helped theirs, I don't have it so I can't testify. I can testify that it has helped me to FINALLY lose weight. It also has a product that has helped my husband to FINALLY get pain relief from severe back pain."

I have met with Chris a handful of times because of our relationship through selling Avon. She is a great lady and is not a pushy sales lady. She is genuine and for her to tell you about something out of the blue, it is kind of a big deal. So when I received her message I definitely took notice. I wrote her back and let her know that I am always up for anything that might help my fibro and asked if she had a sample. She did, we met up, and the change is subtle, but noticeable.

While I do direct sales, this is not something I plan to push. It is a direct sales company and you can sell these products. However, I feel that I would be doing my fibromyalgia friends a disservice if I didn't tell you about something that I am trying that might help you as well. The stuff is called Plexus Slim. It is a weight loss product but there are other supplements that the company offers that are very intriguing in their claims.  I have been doing Plexus Slim and Accelerator for 2 weeks now. Those are the samples that I bought from Chris and I truly believe that is why I did not go into a full blown flare the 3 weeks that I just finished up. Plexus Slim is a drink that you throw into some water and drink. It keeps me full and makes me not want to eat everything in site. The Accelerator is something that helps maintain your energy. It doesn't make you all jittery and amped up. I still felt tired, but felt like I could keep going...if that makes sense. I went a week without the Plexus while I waited for my order to come in. And bam...I went into a flare. I wasn't working the gross amount of hours or anything so I thought I would be safe. I was wrong.

I got my Plexus order in yesterday. After doing various direct sales companies, I have come to realize that the quickest way to get the most amount of product for the least amount of money is usually to sign up. So I am at Ambassador status with a website (www.plexusslim.com/jenniferholmes if you want to check it out) and can sell the products if I want. I just wanted a great deal and I got an awesome deal. I got all the products that I wanted to try for a little over $200. That sounds like a lot, and it is, yet when I know it was going to cost me $114 alone to order the 2 products that I had been taking and I wanted to try others, it became a very good deal.

My kit came with the usual promotional stuff which has been fun to read. I'm sure that you can make money at this and there are tons of testimonies showing that you can. However, I'm interested in what the products do. I tried the Fast Relief cream yesterday. My left hand was in horrible pain. I could hardly grip anything and the pain was indescribable. Chris had told me great things about the Fast Relief cream and how it had helped her husband. I pulled it out and tried it first. I rubbed it on both hands and my right hand began to tingle a little bit and my left hand, with all the pain, began to warm and tingle and I noticed the pain start to subside. Where it had been brutal it turned into a dull ache which I could definitely tolerate. My grip strength also returned. There is a pill that accompanies the cream. The cream works from the outside in and the pill is supposed to work from the inside out. The two working together do far greater work than to the two working by themselves.

I am still researching the other things that came in my kit so I don't want to go into detail on those things until I see how they act with my body. I will say that during the 2 weeks that I did the Plexus Slim I lost a total of 3lbs and 2 inches off of my body. That doesn't sound like much, but it really is a big deal because I did NOTHING different. I still ate out. I hardly exercised. I slept really well. I felt good.

I don't want to push this product on anyone at all. However, I know that many of you who read this are grasping for ANYTHING that might help you and this is what is currently helping me. I have gone without my pain meds since starting it and have been sleeping great so no need for a sleeping pill. I encourage you to check out the products if you are grasping. Research them and weigh whether or not they might work for you. Only you can determine what is best for you and your treatment of Fibromyalgia.

The trouble with skin is...

Well, after three years I finally did my checkup with my dermatologist. Being fair skinned and covered in weird freckle-moles, I should actually go see him once a year but I have put it off. I went most recently off of my sister-in-law's suggestion. She is a hairdresser and I was complaining about itchy scalp just around my hairline. I wondered if she would suggest a good shampoo to use. She told me that she had a client who has the same thing and said that it is a form of dermatitis.

I ventured off to the dermatologist's office for my 7:30am appt. It was the typical exam where I told him my issues, he checked my skin over, and then he discovered other issues that we dealt with. He informed me that I was one big ball of skin issues. Hahaha! So, along with my scalp issue, a new acne issue around my mouth, and some dry skin around my nose, I now have 6 different topical medications that I use on my face. I will say this though, I have only been doing the regimen for 2 days and my skin is amazing already.

What I was surprised about is that he said that all my skin issues were due to a "hyped up immune system." I did not feel the need to share that I have fibromyalgia and that I live in a constant state of having a hyped up immune system, but it explained why this condition comes and goes. It made me aware that no body part, including my skin, is immune from fibro. It is all fair game. I'm glad to know that there is an easy fix though and that I wish that I would have known sooner that skin issues can be fibro related.

If you are reading this and have fibro and skin issues, I urge you to go see a dermatologist. I don't feel that every issue has to be fibro related but since the doc said specifically to me that the cause of my issues were due to an over-active immune system, which is one of the key causes of fibromyalgia, that people should get it checked out. Skin is something that should be checked out anyway if you never have, but some minor annoyances that I had with my skin are almost completely gone now and could have been taken care of MONTHS ago had I just realized that was something to check out. I will warn that a lot of these medicines are really expensive and if you do not have insurance, you will be paying a ton of money. Otherwise, if you do have insurance, it is worth every penny to get checked out.

The problem with choices is...

When I was in college I lived with my Dad and step-mom. I was in my "tweenage" years, where I wasn't quite an adult but wanted to be treated like one. even though I really didn't act like one. I like to refer to them as the "young and dumb years". During those years I got to know my step-mom, Missy, pretty well simply because we lived together and she put up with me so much during that time. Through the years Missy has taught me many things, but one thing that she taught me really well was how to argue.

I can honestly say that I can never really remember a knock-down drag out with my biological mother. We are both pretty laid back people. On the few disagreements that we ever had if I felt that my voice wasn't heard then I would write her a letter and we would discuss things after. It worked pretty good, but overall I usually told Mom everything. I found it to be easier than fighting about it and had learned from my older sister that it wasn't worth it...Mom ALWAYS won.

With Missy it was different. She didn't have the same bond that Mom and I had so naturally so she had to work a little harder. I remember the famous first encounter with her where she was upset with me because I had said I was going to do some chore and forgot to do it. She greeted me at the door as I was coming in from work and said something to the effect of "I am mad at you, this is why I am mad at you, what are you going to do about it?" I told her that I would do the chore that I forgot to do right then and she said, "Okay, how was your day?" and it was done. DONE! I mean literally, no more words, no more being upset, it was over...and I LOVED it. She also would use the famous line on me when I would be griping about something, "You have 2 choices!" One choice would be easy and would help me get over my dilemma and the other would be full of drama and would take forever to deal with. It simplified things.

I think this is one of the reasons why I hate drama. I learned, thankfully, at this younger age, that it does no good. I can understand a good vent session with a close friend just to get things off your chest, or to share things when asked, but to just vomit all of your drama on the people around you?...it doesn't accomplish anything but weigh those around you down as well. It isn't fair to those around you cause many times they have their own junk to deal with. I find this is a common practice among people with chronic pain issues, like us with fibromyalgia. I'm not talking about any particular person that I know, but I see it so often whether in a public group forum in cyber world or with a live individual in a public setting that I just want to shout it out, "STOP THE DRAMA!"

Now, my close friends and family will tell you that I am not the most sympathetic person. I have to force myself to be sympathetic to my kids when they hurt themselves, and even that is a stretch. So I have a very hard time being sympathetic to others with chronic pain issues because I have been there, done that, and am writing a blog about it in an effort to let others know that they aren't alone. Even writing this blog is a stretch for me because I am putting my drama out there for other's to read in hopes that it might help someone, not hinder them, and possibly help them find an answer that they haven't thought of yet. I don't usually enjoy talking about my fibromyalgia drama and those first posts that I wrote were pretty hard to write. Ya see, when I hear someone else's story, I hear my step-mother's voice go through my head saying, "You have 2 choices!" I say it to myself daily. "Jennifer,  you have 2 choices. You can either focus on your illness and be a drag or you can work a little harder and get over yourself and focus on others around you." Granted some days I choose the first because I need to but most days I try to do the latter. You can usually look around you and find someone a lot worse off. My biological mother taught me that.

So as I bid you farewell, I pass on my step-mother's advice: "You have 2 choices!" What are your two choices going to be today? You can either choose something that will continue your drama  and possibly make it worse or you can choose something that will help you to focus on something or someone else. The decision is always yours. So I caution you to choose wisely my friends. Choose wisely!

The trouble with cleaning is....

My house is disgusting. I think I have mentioned in the past how quickly a home goes down the drain when the leading lady of the home is down and out with a fibro flare. While I consider myself in recovery mode, I had a minor setback this past week.

I have been making some extra money lately working at various clinics. This Tuesday I had the privilege to train in an area that you have to wear a lead apron the entire time that you are at work. I don't know if you have ever wore a lead apron, whether for a procedure or a dental x-rays, but they are HEAVY! I wore a full body armor type for 7 hours! Wearing an extra 20lbs for that amount of time put my body in full revolt. I was in excruciating pain by bedtime. To make matters worse, it rained. While I love sleeping during a rainy day, my body doesn't exert gross amounts of energy on rainy days. I worked at another location the next day and had to worry about how my pain levels would be while I was there. I have been off the past 2 days and have been nothing but exhausted.

That brings me to my point. The past two days I have attempted to run errands and clean. Every evening at bedtime I tell myself that it is going to be a great day to clean. Each day I wake up to my body saying, "Yeah, I don't think that is a great idea." It just doesn't want to wake up. Each errand or cleaning activity wears me out to the point that I just want to crawl in bed and never get out. Today it is raining and it has been a drudgery to push through and keep going. My house is nowhere near what I would call organized and cleaned. It is lived in and functional. That is the life of the fibromyalgia sufferer/survivor and that is ok.

I constantly apologize for the condition of my home to my family or friends. Many of them have immaculate homes and you can walk in at any time and it is in pristine condition. Mine will never be that way and that is ok. I don't think that my kids will look back on life and think, "I wish Mom would have cleaned our house more." I think they will remember that we had fun and that we had family time and that they were loved. That, in the end, is what matters. So if you are having a bad cleaning week or are down and out for a bit, remember, it is ok to take the time you need to heal. Believe me, if your house is like my house, it will ALL still be there when you get better. Hang in there fibro friends!

The problem with running is....

Since my recovery process is in full force now, I feel that it is time to resume some sort of running regimen like I had before. My friend Emily from work was talking about running a 5k and how the people that have offered to run with her are either doing Iron Man contests or have barely ran a day in their life and are just going to walk the entire time. Her conversation led to me offering to run it with her since I was about the same running level as her.

So the running process started last Friday, starting with a short jaunt around the neighborhood (right at a mile). I didn't want to do my old route (2.5 miles) for fear it would be too much. I worked the weekend as usual and then resumed to full running route last night (Tuesday). I am SO out of shape. I used to be able to run a mile straight through and now I'm huffing and puffing feeling like I will die. My body also takes longer to recover than it used to. I think that is just normal though.

Normal...such a hard word for someone for Fibromyalgia to deal with. Since nobody knows what causes this disease there really is no cure, therefore you have to study your own body to know what sets off your symptoms. Its hard to decipher between what is normal body aches and pains after a workout and normal fibromyalgia symptoms. People already think that we are hypochondriacs, and some of us are, or at least have those tendencies, and then we actually try to heal ourselves and we hurt, not knowing which pain is from a disease or from our bodies trying to heal. It's a very confusing process and (God forbid) that we talk about our muscle hurting after a run. We already talk about our pain as it is.  I have had Fibromyalgia half of my life now and it is hard to remember what my original normal was...LOL! So a healing process is a hard process.

So here is what I propose to do. I refuse to focus on the pain. I will now focus on my body getting healthy again. I will work hard to put my body to the test and study what makes me hurt. If I push too hard, I have learned something about my health and what I can do. If I push myself and don't hurt so bad, I have found a limit that I can handle and work to eventually master and try to push past it as well. Fibromyalgia is NOT a reason to not exercise and eat right. It is an excellent reason to exercise and eat right. I see so many people with Fibromyalgia use it as their excuse to stay in bed all day. And while sometimes that is definitely needed, I see people who milk that excuse and refuse to push to regain their health. They give up.

Don't give up on yourself! This life is too amazing to miss out on. If you don't like something about yourself, change it, or work really hard to make it better. Surround yourself with positive people and ditch the ones that constantly bring you down. And for Pete's sake, get outside and walk, run, enjoy the outdoors. God made this earth a beautiful place. He made our bodies resilient beings that can heal themselves from the inside out. Start working on your life if you don't like it and make it the best one. My goals when I am on my death bed is to look back from this day on and say, "I don't regret a thing. I lived my life to its fullest!" And I will accomplish that goal!

Have a great day fibro friends! God bless!

The problem with recovering from a flare is...

Anyone who has fibromyalgia knows that a flare is BAD. Your body aches. You can barely move. Any motion requires bazillion amounts of energy.You are exhausted and just want to sleep.  Lots of times people have headaches or muscle spasms or irritable bowl issues. The list is endless.

One other thing that tends to suffer is housework. My last flare that I dealt with lasted for 3 weeks. That pretty much did my house in. Sure, I could have sucked it up and just cleaned up the messes, did the laundry, cooked for my family, and rescued a family from doom and destruction all while staying possitive and looking great while doing everything and stayed in the flare. Or, I could take the time needed to get better and rested...which is what I did.  I don't want to give the impression that I did nothing during this flare but stay in bed all day. It was more of a combo, hence why it lasted for 3 weeks.  I did stay in bed quite a bit on some days, but anyone who has kids under the age of 8 knows that you don't just clean one day and your house stays immaculate. You clean multiple times a day and if you don't your house looks like someone bulgalarized it and a hurricane finished it off.

In a past post I bragged about my awesome husband and how great he was during this past flare. He kept my kids fed and helped them get ready for bed. He did the massive amounts of laundry that this family produces. My husband is just one man though and I am impressed that he does all that he does as it is. I am in no way going to nag the man for not cleaning a house on top of doing all that he did. I am just happy to have clean clothes. He truly did pick up the slack for me and I cherish him for this. However, my house has still not recovered.

Today, has been a good day. I have had energy. I am starting to feel more like myself and noticed most of all that my house is starting to recover. I truly am in recovery mode. I am blown away at my success in this. I still have to take it easy. I can't just go and go and go like I do when I am well. That is what caused my last flare. I have to learn from this last flare if I want the recovery to continue. I think that is the hardest part of recovery is the learning process from the prior flare. With every flare, as bad as each is, you learn something from it. If you don't, you can be sure that you are going to get to deal with another one soon. I also have to learn that recovery takes times. I have grown accustomed to instant gratification and recovery is anything but that. So I will continue to recover at my own speed as my body sees fit.

The trouble with progress is...

I graduated today! Not from high school or college, but from physical therapy. It was kind of a bittersweet moment. Renee (my physical therapist) realized that today was my last scheduled appointment and asked if I thought I could continue my exercises at home. I wanted to say no because I have enjoyed my time doing PT, and like having a scheduled time to go to do my exercises,  but had to say yes, that I could, because I feel that with some discipline that I actually can keep up the routine. So I no longer will be doing physical therapy. It was exciting to see how far I have come as well. Day 1 was just a few months ago. I couldn't hold up my left leg when she would push it down, my grip was 10lbs less in my left hand than in my right hand, and I was in a constant high level of pain. I wasn't sleeping well and wasn't feeling good at all. Today, when Renee reevaluated me, it was so different. I was equally strong in both legs. My grip was about 7lbs better in my left hand than in my right. I went from sleeping 3-4 hours a night to easily 8-10 hours straight. It has been an awesome transformation. I am elated.

I am currently on Day 4 of juicing. I haven't just done only juice. However, I haven't really crashed my diet with crap either, like I did before (well, except once). It is amazing how good I feel. I plan to continue to keep doing what I am doing. Right now, I juice breakfast and lunch and then eat a pretty healthy dinner. Healthy dinner is usually a salad, or like last night we had lean steaks, potatoes, and some asparagus. I will admit that I broke down and bought some pizza on Sunday night while at work and I regret that decision. It made me feel so bad that it truly made me wonder about having a gluten sensitivity. I haven't really checked inches and haven't checked my weight much either. All I know is that I do feel better. So juicing continues tomorrow. I look forward to the continuation of this journey.

Juicing Day1

Today was the day...the full blown juicing began. It was interesting and not too bad of a day. Here are some things I learned:

1. When juicing mangos, the juicer will smoke a bit if you don't take out that big seed (pit) in the middle. Since I always cut up the mango I never really got to that part so I never knew it was there. Juices much better when you pull it out. Hahaha!

2. I own a very powerful juicer because it shaved off quite a bit of that seed before I realized something was wrong.

3. Cucumbers can be violent. Do not just drop it in. Turn the machine off, load, and then turn on with the top covered.

4. Shockingly, a yellow hot pepper and some ginger make for an excellent addition when added to your morning juice.

5. Everything is a bit thicker than I expected. Not quite a smoothie but not quite juice. It is definitely not what I expected but still good.

6. When I think everything tastes like grass, my husband finds the juice kind of tastey.

7. It takes quite a bit of fruit to get a small amount of juice.

8. Cleaning a juicer post juicing is MANDATORY!

9. Pulp is gross. Especially when you have to stick your hand in it to pull it off of the top of the waste top.

10. If you line your waste container where the pulp goes with one of those baggies that your fruits and veggies come in from the store, your cleanup time is much easier.

So day 1 hasn't been bad. As I mentioned in last night's post, I used the slim fast method of juicing and miserably failed at it. I still decided to do that today since I was starting to go into exhaustion mode as I did when I was sick with fibro so I decided to give myself some REAL food. It was healthy though. Instead of the Doritoes that I bought yesterday, that smelled awesome, for a snack, I enjoyed some Vampire Killer Kale Chips that I had bought in the past from Brad's Raw Foods. They are just dehydrated kale with some vegan cheddar cheese and some garlic. I only ate around 8 of those and they aren't very big, so it was a small snack. For dinner we went to Chen's per Zac's request. He had juiced with me all day and was a bit on the starved side. So while he hit the buffet and had the awesome fried rice and crab rangoon, I hit the hibachi grill and had veggies. The only non-veggie thing I had today were some noodles that I picked up for the grill and some of those crunchy things that went in my Hot and Sour soup. Overall a good first day. I actually feel pretty good right now. Normally when I am exhausted at the end of the day, I am finding that I actually have some energy.

If you are considering juicing, I say go for it. It isn't all sweet and thin as it in the store so that will give you a different taste for sure. Anytime you juice kale, your juice will have a slight grassy aftertaste. It's not as bad with spinach, but definitely lets you know it's there by the green color you get. With day one over, I am excited to start Day 2 and see what it brings. I look forward to the weight loss and the mental clarity and all the other things that people rave about on this diet.

For those that want to know the recipes that I used today, they are posted below:

Breakfast:

Sunny G Juice

Ingredients:
2 mangoes
1 orange
1 yellow pepper (capsicum) ...I used an actual yellow hot pepper.
2 inch piece of ginger

Directions:

1.) Peel mangoes and orange and wash pepper.

2.) Slice off top of pepper and remove seeds.

3.) Cut pepper in half to fit into juicer chute.

(Overall had an orange juice taste but a slight spice to it that I liked. Where I usually have a somewhat queasy stomach, that was eased with the ginger.)

Lunch:

Spinach Lemonade

Ingredients:
8 cups spinach
2 lemons
1⁄2 cucumber
1 pear
2 granny smith apples

Directions:
1.) Peel lemons and core apples.

2.) Juice everything.

3.) Add a splash of all natural sweetener like stevia if you want to tame the sour/lemon flavor a bit. (optional).

(This has an overwhelming "greens" taste. Yes it taste like lemonade but it also tastes like grass. The only thing that I can compare it to is when you were a kid and would eat clover-if y'all did that-. I remember my next door neighbor telling me that it was ok to eat clover and some kind of flower and that is the exact thing that this tastes like.)

Dinner:

Fruit blast

Ingredients:
Handful of cherries
2 Handfuls of black seedless grapes
1/2 handful of green grapes
4 skinny organic carrots
1/2 pint of strawberries

Directions:
1) Thow everything in juicer (stems on cherries as well)

2) Pour over ice

3) For an added lighter flavor, after you have drank your first batch, add water over your ice and get a flavored water.
(This was a concoction that I threw together in order to stop burping up grass flavor. So I went for no greens but threw in some carrots to get my veggie fix. It was quite tastey.)

The trouble with juicing is...

Ya know, its hard to juice when you don't have a juicer. If you haven't read the last blog entry, it was all about the documentary "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" and how I have watched my realtor, Wade, shrink from a size 40 to a size 32 in the past few weeks. It got me intrigued with the juicing diet so I started the smoothie aspect of the juicing diet.

Fibromyalgia is no fun because you never know what shock is going to send you back into a flare. Shockingly, suddenly becoming healthy has sent me over the edge and my body will fight back...hard. Since I was just starting to heal from my last flare that took out the left side of my body, I didn't want to go too extreme and just jump on the juicing thing. So I kind of did a slim fast type approach. Do you remember that commercial? "Just replace 2 meals with our delicious shakes and then have a sensible healthy dinner for weight loss." Yeah, so basically I have gaved 3lbs back since my sensible meals consisted of eating out or having Little Ceasars for dinner. This is unacceptable.

So Monday evening, I bought a juicer. My sister-in-law advised me not to get a juicer until I was ready to take things serious and not buy the cheapest one out there. So I did some research and found a fairly inexpensive one for $60 that was rated #2 by Consumer Reports. With free 2 day shipping from Amazon, I am now the proud owner of a Hamilton Beach, Big Mouth 800 Watt Juicer. I just pulled it out of the box and set it up. Tomorrow I start my journey. Fruits and Veggies have been purchased. Recipes for various juices have been selected for tomorrows diet. My goal is to blog my entire journey so that I can see what works and what doesn't. Just like it is with Fibromyalgia, since nobody knows what causes it, you gotta try something out, test it out on you, and see what works for YOU!

Better get to bed so I can start this thing! Us fibromyalgia people need our beauty rest!

The trouble with a documentary is...

I am always willing to try a fad diet if I truly believe that it is healthy. If it is endorsed by a physician that I do not think is a quack, I really take notice. A person's testimony will also make me want to try a diet as well, if I look at them and see that they are healthy as well and seeing results. Thus, my new adventure begins...a juice fast.

During my healing process, the physical therapist that I love working with the most told me about doing a cleanse that she had recently done. She said for 3 weeks she did nothing but eat fruits and vegetables. After doing this for three weeks she said she began to reintroduce foods into her diet in order to find the culprit foods that she found to be causing her pain that she would have. Long story short, gluten was the trigger food for her ailments. I had considered doing this diet after she told me, but I was in no condition to do so at the time. Another stress on my already fatigued body was not the best thing for it. The thought was planted though.

That was about a month ago when she talked about her vegetarian cleanse. I have toyed with the idea of going meatless but have never truly thought that I could do such a thing. My sister-in-law told me about juicing (not the steroid type, but the actual making of juice) just in passing. It was more of a conversation overhead when she was talking about ways to get healthy. She said she was excited because she just bought a bunch of fruits and veggies to start her juicing. My friend, Amanda, chimed in and said, "Oh, you must have watched Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead, then." They talked about it for a bit and then my attention was caught by another conversation going on. I later asked my SIL about the movie that Amanda had mentioned. She said that it is a documentary on Netflix that if I wanted to understand juicing that I should watch it. She said it is the diet that Wade did.

Wade is my realtor. In the few times that we have tried to sell our home, Wade has been through the process with us twice now. Wade is also SIL's husband's cousin (did you follow that okay? Hahaha!)He posted a picture on Facebook last week that had me in awe of a transformation. On the left it was a picture of him a year ago. He didn't look bad, but you could tell he wasn't the most healthy individual.  The picture on the right was him with a glow to his face, lack of a double chin, and just looking so healthy. He had documented a few times his juice fast on facebook and would take pictures of the juice he was drinking. I would read the comments and see where others that had done the diet before and most of the comments were something of, wait until day blah blah blah gets here and you get to experience this phenomenal event. Things mentioned were weight loss, of course, mental clarity, TONS of energy, etc. All were things that, as a fibromyalgia patient, I deal with. Its hard to lose weight, I want mental clarity, I WANT TONS OF ENERGY! This brought me to the conclusion...I had to watch that movie!

Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead is a documentary. It chonicals the life of Joe Cross who is in his early 40's and suffers from a rare disease called urticaria that causes him to break out in rashes (hives) all over his body and that there is no cure for. He has to take loads of medicine to mask the symptoms and is at his wits end with the disease. Now, I don't have hives, but I do have an incurable disease and am (was) at my wits end so I instantly took notice of everything he was doing. He is Austrailian and decides to visit the states as a sebatical to take on a juice fast. He documents his journey in this film and it is nothing short of remarkable. His goal is to get off of all of his medicines and get healthier.  He does his first 30 days in New York City where there is every food temptation imaginable. He does his second 30 days on the road on a trip across the US meeting people and telling them about his journey. His progress is managed by a physician who adjusts his meds along the way and he exercises and makes an active lifestyle change. He started out over 300lbs and dropped significant weight and achieved his dreams of living a healthier lifestyle. The best part is that he shared his knowledge along the way. He talked to a ton of people and found 2 others that the film documents as wanting to try the juice fast. The first is a lady who would probably be me. She said the shakes taste like grass, but later said that the taste grew on her and she uses juicing as a healthy alternative for meals on the go, but still eats a healthy meal in the evening. The most amazing transformation that you get to see start to finish is the story of Phil. He is a truckdriver and weights a whopping 429lbs. You see him hit rock bottom and you see him transform into this man who weights 220 now and is helping others along the way. The best part is that they are all monitored by a physician who gives the all clear and the weight loss is done safely and is approved. Another part that I love is that the weight melts off of these larger people. In just 30 days, Phil dropped 100lbs! It was so awesome to see the health shine out of him.

After watching this, and seeing other's struggles, I went to the internet. There is a plethora of juicers (people who juice, not the machine) out there and they love to share their receipes. I found one website where you type in what you are craving and they give you a recipe for a juice that will satisfy the hunger pains and fulfill the craving.I like knowing that there is a community out there that supports you as well as is rooting for you. I also like the education that goes with it. You learn about micro-nutrients vs. macro-nutrients and why your body does so well with the micro-nutrients.

The best part, as well, about this diet is that my husband is on board. I made a shake yesterday just to "try it out" and used my blender per my SIL's recommendation. I made a bunch and gave him a glass. He downed it. I thought it tasted like grass and all he could talk about was the banana that I put in it. I drank just a third of it and put my glass in the fridge and he drank the rest of it this morning. I think that with his support that I could do this. I had my first smoothie this morning and so far so good. I'm going to get online and check out some juice recipes and see what I can come up with for lunch. I look forward to updating you on the progress as I go through this healing process of my fibromyalgia.

Also, I want to leave you with this...DO NOT start this diet without the approval of your doctor. I have the all clear since I am healthy and not taking any medications right now. (Yeah, I weened off of them all as I started to feel better.) If you are taking medications, you HAVE to have an all clear from a doc or at least be monitored by a physician in order to do any kind of fast. I think that this diet is great and have hopes for it to do great things, but I don't want to endorse anything for YOU without you checking with your doctor first. I still plan to have a full checkup with Doc as I progress through this diet just to make sure that I am still doing well and that I don't need to tweak anything. (Have to take my own advice...right?) So, with that all being thrown at you, I hope that you reading about my progress and hope that you will check out the documentary, Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.

The trouble with Paige is...

I have a friend named Paige. I had the pleasure of getting to see her when I checked into physical therapy yesterday. I have known her for just under a year, yet I feel like I have known her longer. Ya see, Paige is one of these people that is what I like to call the "insta-friend". You meet her and she is your friend. It's a lost art really, one that you usually only see in children, yet in a more mature fashion. I think that if I believed in reincarnation that she would have been one of those kindred spirits that I knew quite well in a past life. It's one of the many things that I like about Paige.

As I walked into physical therapy I was greeted by a small line at the check-in desk. There was an elderly lady who was there for her first day and was asking all kinds of questions thus causing the line. It caused me to not do my usual "let's check this joint out" look around like I normally do. So I was pleasantly suprised as I wrote in my "in" time to hear, "Why hello friend!", from across the room and see Paige sitting in the corner with her fiance'. I quickly went to sit by her to catch up on how she was doing.

Paige also has fibromyalgia and is also searching for answers. She started physical therapy after she heard how well it was helping me so I was interested to hear how she was doing. She was having a rough day. It was cold and rainy out so it wasn't helping her situation. Paige also was born with a muscular issue that affects her right side. She has had to undergo several surgeries to fix various issues related to this, with the latest being a reconstructive surgery to help fix her right hand so that it functions more normal. Anyone who has fibro knows that surgery elevates the symptoms of fibromyalgia and makes recovery even that much harder. You would never know this with Paige. She focuses on how well her past surgery went. She had a beautiful butterfly splint on and she showed me the ways that she could adjust it so that it would not rub her skin raw. She told me about her physical therapy and how she had forgone the water therapy for a preference to stay on land based exercises and said that she was doing well with those. Paige, due to her rough day, was going to ask for the "warm burrito special" as she called it. It is where they place a tens unit on your sore muscles, wrap you up in moist heat and blankets, and you lay there for 20 minutes and just bask in the "feel goods". That is followed up with massage and stretching. I was jealous to be honest. I am well on my road to recovery so I pretty much can kiss the burrito good-bye for now.

What I love about Paige is that, even in all that she has to deal with, she is still in a good mood. She smiles and laughs. She shows you her progress rather than what is still wrong. She giggles and makes you feel like you are her best friend for the time that you are with her. She loves to find the things that you have in common and share details to make you know her better. Hence the reason that in under a year I feel like I know this girl really well and I have only hung out with her a handful of times and followed her on Facebook. She is also a wealth of knowledge when it comes to medical problems. She has been put through the ringer for so long that she pretty much should be a doctor herself and is going to be an awesome nurse someday because of it. Paige is always willing to share her knowledge with anyone and does so to help them overcome, just as she has. It's just awesome having a friend like this.

So Paige, if you read this, which I figure you will, thank you for being you. You inspire me. You make me want to keep fighting this battle with fibromyalgia. Thank you for being an insta-friend and for making the world a better place. Don't let the rude and mean people of this world bring you down, even though I don't really think that is possible for them to do to you. I think if there were more "Paige"s in the world, it would be a much nicer and happier place. And I also hope that all of you who read this have a "Paige" in your life to make your life a happier place and make you want to keep fighting this disease. So keep fighting Paige and to the readers of this blog, keep fighting too!

The trouble with progress is...

PROGRESS!!! Oh how I love that word! Progress makes me happy. The trouble with progress, though, is that when you have fibromyalgia, you will see progress one day and then tomorrow it might all be hid by pain and sleepiness. For example, I am on my 4th week of physical therapy. During the 4 weeks I think I have either had to miss one day of each week due to sickness or other obligations or was in so much pain that I was unable to get into the pool and increase my stregnth training. I didn't feel like I was making much progress. I felt like everything that I was doing wasn't helping. I was really discouraged.

Hope was restored this weekend. I was at work talking to a co-worker about going to therapy and getting in the pool. They asked why I was having to do therapy and I went through my typical spiel about how I have fibro and that I am just really weak, etc. I began to talk about my initial consult and how weak I was on my left side. I was in the process of showing the test that had been done on my left leg and realized that my left leg was pretty strong again. It is nowhere near where it used to be, but it is definitely not where it was. This excitement came over me as I realized that I was making progress even though it didn't feel like I was.

Fibromyalgia is mean like that. Having such a hypersensitve immune system, you have to work twice as hard to see the same results, and even then, results are masked at times. Just like in me, when I was actually making so much progress, I had no idea because I was in pain and just wanted to sleep all the time. My house was destroyed because I just didn't feel like I had the stregnth to get up and take care of all the things that needed to be done. I would talk down to myself saying that if I wasn't so lazy or if I could just get better or if I would just suck it up that things would get better. During all of this negativity, I was making progress. PROGRESS! Again, such a beautiful word!

Don't give up fibro-fighters. Just because you are in the flare doesn't mean that your body isn't fighting back. Remember, this is war and you are the one who will win! You have to! There is no other option. So until next time, keep fighting!

The problem with others with fibromyalgia is...

The past 2 days have been rough. As I have written in the past I HATE taking my meds. I know that they make me feel better, but I don't want to start building up that tolerance and have to need tons of meds when I'm older. My pain level has been up so I have been having to take my pain meds more than I would like to. Granted, I usually take the lowest dose allowed and I can take more if needed, but I don't even like taking the lowest amount, even if it does make me feel better. I know it doesn't make sense, but that is how much I hate taking medicine.

Also, in the past 2 days, I met 2 more people that have fibromyalgia. Working in the medical field, I know that there is a stigma that goes along with this disease. Many physicians see us as hypochondriacs or drug seekers. It bothers me. It actually bothers me a lot to the point that I don't even like to be associated as a person with fibromyalgia. I know that I shouldn't be that way and I should stand up for the disease because I know how real it is, but I just don't have the energy to fight that battle right now. So I choose to be silent in most cases and keep very private about having fibro with most of my colleages in the ancillary departments.

One of the people I met this weekend was a person that helps create the stigma that goes along with fibromyalgia. This person was one of the MANY people that I have encountered that makes me want to disassociate myself away from the disease. One of my co-workers asked a question of what brought them to the medical facility and this person went on, like I have heard so many times, to tell that they have a myriad of diseases and end it with, "and I also have fibromyaglia." My co-worker, knowing that I was struggling with the disease as well, and also knowing that I was looking for answers to get help, nonchalantly asked, "Really, Jennifer has fibromyalgia. What do you take for that?" And thus the conglomerate of medications in gross amounts of doses flowed from the person's mouth. I was amazed the person was even in an upright position. My co-worker asked how the individual was able to function of which they replied, "Well, I usually just sleep all day." And once again, I was embarassed to be a part of the fibromyalgia community.

The other person that I met was a very sweet medical professional "trying" to help me in my goals to live a pain free life. She was new to the department that she was working in, a traveler that helps out when needed and I got her on her very first day. Lucky me. She spent most of the time talking about herself, introducing herself I suppose, in order to make me feel more comfortable. We actually had several things in common and I was able to follow the things that she spoke of. She also told me that she had fibromyalgia and was excited to work with me because she was now pain free and off all of her meds and was hoping to help me in any way that she could. Hope was restored because her testimony was my goal. That hope, unfortunately, was dampened the more that she talked.

As she prepared me for my therapy session I had to get into a gown. On my lower back, I have a tattoo; a tramp stamp I suppose you could call it, but it is much larger than the typical tramp stamp. It actually fills up my entire lower back. Because of its size, you cannot miss it. She commented on its elaborate nature and I told her that it was a charm bracelet and the "charms" represented all the things that are most dear to me in my life. In the middle of it is my favorite Bible verse, Isaiah 30:21. She asked me what it says and I quoted it, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way, walk in it.'" She corrected me and quoted it in King James. I just blew it off. As I layed there, on some moist heat, she continued talking to me, asking me about my church preference, my religious history, etc. She then asked me if I had ever heard of a certain preacher and his divine healing ministry. I told her that I had not. She then began to tell me that he was a pre-med student and pastor and he began to do his own research and that he had come to the realization that all ailments or diseases are the results of various demons speaking lies into our lives. Yeah....so the conversation progressed and she went on to tell me how she met the guy and he did a complete profile on her and that her lies were fear and the feelings of a spouse who did not care about her.

TIME OUT: I do not want to come off as bashing this woman at all. Or the other person that I spoke of. I am all for any person's way for dealing with this horrible disease. I am just venting in my search for MY answers to how to help MYSELF. TIME IN:

So, she went on and on, talking about herself as she struggled to figure out how to take care of me and carry out medical orders on her first day on the job. It was frustrating because I really needed some relief from the pain that I was in and what I got was a poorly done therapy session. I cried the entire way home from my appointment.

Fibromyalgia stinks. Every person who has fibromyaglia is different. Everyone responds to different things and hardly any physician wants to take on the challenge of figuring out what it really is. Just like the 2 people that I met, each person seeks out different relief. For one, they choose to just be drugged out of their mind and sleep their life away. That may be fine for that person, but I don't want to do that. And while I am happy that the woman was able to deal with her marital and fear issues, I don't necessarily believe that it is a demon causing my "afflictions". And thus lies my issues with the disease. There is no, one single, cut and dry treatment for fibromyalgia. Its a guessing game of try this and try that and I hope this one doesn't make you too sick cause its your only hope, etc. Every book I have read talks about ALL the treatments out there for fibromyaglia and how you have to pretty much try them all and find out what works for YOU. And that is the reason for this blog. I hope that in my journey to find out what works for me that maybe, just maybe, you can possibly find something that can work for you as well...even if it includes casting out a demon or two. :)

The trouble with time is...

If you read my blog last week I was in a very low place. I felt like my meds were not working. I felt like physical therapy wasn't doing a lot. All I could focus on is the here and now and it was miserable. Last week was a long, depressing weak.

Then Saturday came. Due to my work schedule, I sleep in pretty late on Saturday mornings in prep for my shift of no sleep on Saturday night. I woke up and stood up to find no pain, or at least very little compared to what had become the norm for me. I was slightly worried because I was set to start taking my higher dosage of Cymbalta and if you read my earlier blog, it had made me really sick. I was done with my 30mg doses and so I broke out the bottle of 60mg and said a prayer and took it. Work was crazy busy both days. I figured Monday would result in being back to normal pain, but surprisingly, it wasn't bad either.

I am still kind of shocked at such a turn around in my body. As miserable as last week was I was not expecting to feel good this week. Such positive things have been happening. I stepped on the scale and am down 5lbs. (I think that is mostly due to the 5-HTP that I have been taking to help me sleep. It apparently is marketed as a diet pill and I didn't know that.) I have been in better spirits as well. I can honestly say that after last week, I know what full blown depression is like. Like I said, I was at a major low point. So maybe my body just needs the higher dose of Cymbalta to help it. Physical therapy is making me stronger as well. I am NOWHERE where I need to be strength wise yet, but I can sure tell a difference since I started going.

They say time heals all wounds. I don't know if that is true in all cases, but apparently that is true with me. I feel like a new person to some extent. I am excited to see what the future holds. Hope is slowly returning and, although I am skeptical of my new found healthier demeanor, I feel like I'm finally starting to get better. So if you are reading this in the middle of a flare, hang in there. Last week I kept saying that tomorrow is a new day and it can always be better. Today is finally better. Keep fighting!

The trouble with an awesome husband...

I am a blessed woman! I married a man that I do not deserve at all. He isn't perfect, but neither am I. This morning I woke up and received a text shortly after from Zac saying, "Did you get your note?" I looked around and found a note under my pillow.

This note was filled with the words that were perfect for today. He had written encouraging words comforting me saying that life wouldn't always be like this and that things would eventually get better. He talked about how much he loved me and how he would always be there for me. It was awesome.

Having fibromyalgia can be so hard on a relationship. There are several days that I can't clean house and am in so much pain that plans get changed. Routine is non-existent and it feels like sleep is either something I get too much of or never get enough of. The person who suffers right along with me Zac. He is the person that sees me as I really am, without the front of being strong. He is the person that rubs my back every night so I can get a little bit of relief. He's the one who gives and gives and gives and doesn't ask for anything in return.

I love this man so much. He is the rock that I can lean on in this world and the one that helps me not give up. He helps me keep my sanity (what is left of it). He deserves the best and he got me. I feel beyond blessed to have Zac as my husband. I don't know if I can ever thank him enough for all that he does. I hope that someday I can make it up to him!

The trouble with my bed is...

The one thing that I hate most about fibromyalgia is that I never know how I am going to feel the next day. I go to bed in my comfortable bed. I may or may not sleep well and when it is time to get up the next day I lay there and debate if I am ready to face how my body is going to feel when I put my feet on the floor.

Today I woke to find my youngest curled up in the crook of my legs. I must have slept hard cause I have no idea when he crawled into our bed. I did not want to get up. My fingers were swollen and achey and I have grown to know that when my hands are like that that my feet will not like it when I put weight on them. And thus the problem lies...it doesn't matter how good or how bad I sleep, I NEVER know how the next day will be.

I forced myself out of bed after staying in there way too long. My suspicions were confirmed and sure enough the pain shot through my legs. I was texted shortly after this and asked by the bestie if I wanted to walk at the park. I usually work out anyway on this day of the week so I said I would see her after I dropped the kids off at their schools. I questioned the entire time if I made the right decision.

The park was on the colder side this morning. It was in the 60's but for some reason it felt cold. We started walking and talking and I was able to forget how cold it was. Best friend therapy is always good. I was able to vent about life in general and get caught up on her life and just have a true vent session that only a best friend can provide. She works nights and so as she talked about heading home and going to bed, it made me think about going back to bed...and so I did.

Mid-morning or mid-day naps are always nice. Its like I get a do-over of how I get to wake up. It is still a Russian roulette type thing though when it is time to wake up. I sometimes wake up and feel great and it was just what I needed. This time, though, it was the opposite. I think that I actually woke up feeling worse. My left shoulder was killing me and I had to go to therapy.

Therapy was ok. I did the pool even though I didn't want to. I kept telling myself that if I didn't push myself that I was never going to get better. I don't know if I made the right decision or not. I know that the coffee that I drank after helped me to wake up a bit and helped me to clean my house. The joint pain is still here though and it is just dull enough to be annoying.

So I can just say that today wasn't the greatest. I am still thankful for being alive and getting the opportunity to try again another day. I enjoy my bed and love how I sleep in it. I'm just working on how I wake up. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and one step closer to the healing process.

The trouble with tomorrow is...

After such a long, painful day yesterday, I was not expecting such a wonderful change in how I feel. I attribute most of my happy demeanor today to physical therapy yesterday. My therapist, Renee, was ready to get me in the pool and then I told her how much pain I was in. She said that we could do feel good stuff and boy did she do that. Between the heat, the tens unit, the massage over my sore muscles, it really helped so much. She even got rid of a nagging headache I had using an accupressure technique between my thumb and first finger.

The final step was myofascial release. I had never had this done before but it has been said that it is great for people with Fibromyalgia. I had always wanted to have it done and I got my chance finally. The theory behind myofascial release is that all the muscle and tissues is covered in fascia and it is all woven together. Renee explained it to me that it is kind of like a knit sweater. When you snag a knitted sweater and a thread is pulled, it doesn't just affect that tiny part of the sweater, it affects the entire sweater. The fascia of the body is very similar. Instead of having a squishy matrix, it turns hard, but when stretched out, it returns to its squishy, flexible state. So, I was laid on my back and she did very light stretching along the top of my back, my shoulders, my arms, and finally the base of my skull. It was so gentle of a pull I didn't think anything was really working. Then when she was done I sat up and was blown away. The pain that I had had that was so intense was virtually non-existent. My rock hard muscles were squishy again. I moved my neck from side to side and my neck vertebrae popped 3 or 4 times. I felt like a new woman.

For the rest of the day I took it easy. I got some pampering stuff at the hospital gift shop and some new yoga pants at a consignment shop. I came home and took a hot bath, snuggled into my comfy clothes, and took it easy for the rest of the night. I also put on some of those thermacare heat wraps on my neck and shoulders and my back. I decided to relax and do some coloring (something I have done for years to relax). The kids watched tv and colored as well. Around 8:30, I put the kids down for bed, and then I went and laid down as well. I pretty much was out by 9pm and didn't get up until 7am. It was good sleep too. With all of that, I feel like a new woman today.

Some days you just need a lazy day to recover AND THAT IS OK. I was so down yesterday and felt like a loser because I literally could not do anything. The pain in my joints was almost too much to take. I got to the point to where I just expected it to always be like that. My perspective was off. So if you are having a down day, remember, it is just that...a bad day. I know that when you are going through a bad day that you worry that tomorrow will be the same or that it will never get here, but hang in there. Tomorrow is a new day. You never know what to expect when you have Fibromyalgia but that is part of the adventure of the war that we are in. Each day brings something new. We are strong people though and we can handle it. Hang in there friends!

The trouble with discouragement is...

Some days it seems like it's an uphill battle to stay positive. When there are so many negatives battling to win the mind over to the dark side, it is really easy to just give up the fight to stay in a happy state. Today is one of those days.

This morning I woke up. That in itself is something to be thankful for and I am thankful that I did, indeed, wakeup this morning. I just would like to wake up pain free one day; no stiff joints, no shooting pains in my back when I sit up, and no dull pain throughout my body when I put weight on my feet. Due to the state of my destroyed house because of the massive amount of laundry that I have put off due to this recent flare, I fenagled my way around to a path to the bathroom. I looked at my messy bathroom which stressed me out more and then looked in the mirror. Ouch! I really should have taken the blow dryer to the hair last night but I didn't have the strength to hold it up. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful that I have a home, even if it is messy. I am thankful that I have hair on my head that is in desperate need of my sister-in-law's handywork. I am thankful for my family that destroyed my nice clean house and helped me with my laundry issue. At the same time, those things are stressors that I have to work really hard to not let overwhelm me. I have to work to stay positive in those moments where I just want to fully break down and be committed to a mental hospital.

Fibromyalgia is a hard disease to have, especially in a flare. Unless you have the awful disease, people just don't understand what you go through. They have no idea the effort it takes just to keep going when all you want to do is stay in bed. Just when you get hope through a new doctor, or new medicines, or new therapies, it seems the disease says, "Hmm...we haven't thrown this at her yet. Let's see how she does with this!" My symptoms used to be pretty normal symptoms that were treatable with mild pain killers or the occasional sleep aid. The flare that I am in now has thrown at me so much new stuff that it is beginning to overwhelm me. I had the joint pain before but now I have that with muscle spasms that shoot through my back or my arms or my neck and head. I have started to clench my jaw which I never used to do and have to consciously make an effort to relax it. I have a constant headache that no amount of ibuprofen will fix. The hope that I had after I saw my doctor is dwindling to almost non-existent. I am at a low that I haven't been at in a while. While I am not a depressed person, I have several depression symptoms. The situation seems hopeless but that is where you have to kick yourself in the butt and yell at your brain and say, "Stop it! Just stop it!" And the pep talk to myself begins as follows:

Fibromyalgia IS treatable! You are doing the best you can today and tomorrow will be different. Sure, today is a bad day; a really bad day! But, you know what? You are doing a good job! You are fighting and some days you can't fight as hard as you normally do and that is ok! The pain is no fun. The headaches are no fun. The destroyed house is no fun. But you will survive and you will make it to fight another day. You have researched and you have worked hard to find out treatments that will help. You are taking your medicine and you are going to therapy. You are a survivor and you will survive this flare, just like every other one you have encountered. You will look back and say, "That was bad but I didn't give up and now look at how far I have come." So stop focusing on the negative and keep going. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going even when you don't want to. You are a fighter and Fibromyalgia is not going to win this time either. Suck it up cause you CAN do this.

Remember, people reading this blog, you cannot rely on others to be your motivation for change or for your hope. Sometimes you are the one who has to give yourself the pep talk cause nobody else is around to do it. You are worth the pep talk and worth the fight. Keep fighting, even on days when you don't want to. We will win this. As Dr. Rodger Murphree says, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." Happy eating!

The trouble with new meds is...

I started my new medications yesterday. I'm going to start off by letting you know that I HATE taking medicine. I only take it when it is absolutely necessary. I am highly sensitive to medicine and a little goes an extremely long way with me. On my last post I was so excited about the "hope" that I had been given. Today, my hope is dampened a bit.

In the past I was prescribed Cymbalta and Tramadol for my fibromyalgia symptoms. Both had been highly effective in treating them. So, having a new prescription for each I was estatic that I would be well soon. As soon as I got home with my newly filled scrips I took my doseage and went on with my day. It was a busy one. I met a friend for lunch, then went to my physical therapy consult,and then went to work. While at work, I was kind of foggy, but functional. I was extremely thirsty. I went to the cafeteria and got a salad and came back to eat. I got interrupted to go do an xray in the nursery so I left my food and headed off. I had to wait while a procedure was being done and started to get the feeling you get when your blood sugar is dropping. I just figured that I needed to eat and so I sat down. I finished my exam and headed back to my department and started feeling worse. I finally was finished and headed back to finish my supper. As I tried to eat I started to feel really nauseous and felt that feeling like, this is going to come back up.

You know, nausea is one of the worst feelings in the world. The stomach wrenches and churns and just doesn't get relief. It is like your body is revolting and saying that its ready to fight. My body fought and won. I felt fine as soon as there was no food in my stomach anymore. I was cautious for the rest of the night.

When I got home I got ready for bed, took my dose of muscle relaxer and went off to try to go to sleep. I had high hopes for this med. I thought, "Finally, a great night of sleep is gonna happen." Let's see, I woke up at 3:30 to go to the bathroom. I had tossed and turned quite a bit. I woke up to my alarm and could not get my eyes to open. I was so tired. My awesome husband got our kindergartener up and took him to school. I was able to sleep until 9:30am when my almost 3 year old woke me up. I still felt hungover. I didn't feel like doing ANYTHING. My house is trashed and I just wanted to lie on the couch all day. I did manage to do some things around the house but they quickly left me with little energy and a nap came when my son needed one. I went to pick up my son from kindergarten and while in the car rider line, the nausea returned. I quickly prayed, "Lord, please don't let me throw up in this line." I thankfully made it home and was able to lie down with a cool fan on me and my symptoms subsided. As I write this blog though, I can feel the nausea return and probably should go back to a horizontal position.

I hope this med issue is resolved soon. I don't like feeling this way. Its a hard part of the journey but if it will make me well I am willing to try anything.

The trouble with me is...

I am finding that the trouble with me is that I go to the doctor long after I should have been in his office asking for some help. I don't like asking for help. My mother raised me to be very independant; self-sufficient you might say. I am glad for that, but it tends to be my downfall when I am sick. So what usually ends up happening is that I wait until I am pathetically in pain (i.e. can't move, hurts to breathe, ridiculously exhausted). By the time that I get that way it takes an additional week to get into the doctor so I suffer, along with my poor husband whom I complain to, until I finally get to see the doctor.

Today was my day to see the great and mighty Dr. Sakr. I'm not sure where he is from but it is definitely not from Arkansas. He is a shorter man, balding, but super nice and actually spends time letting me discuss the things that I have read and gives me feedback. Today's appointment was delightful. For once I actually wrote down my symptoms and my questions about the things that I read and REMEMBERED to bring it with me to the office visit. Dr. Sakr was kind. He asked me about the medicines in the past that had worked well and the medicines that did not. I was able to discuss natural and homeopathic therapies and he gave me his opinion based off of medical studies and research done in those areas. I felt that he developed a plan for me that involves both medicine and natural therapies. Hope has been restored and I feel that I am well on my road to recovery.

So I would assume if I was reading this blog that one would ask, "So what was that therapy?" or "What did he prescribe for you?" I'm glad you asked! (wink) Here is the plan for me:

Cymbalta 60mg 1x a day to help establish a healthy serotonin level in my system (this is definitely needed since I was seriously thinking of having myself committed last week to a mental hospital)

Tramadol 50mg 1x a day for pain (this can be increased up 4 day if needed but I am hoping it will never get that bad)

Cyclobenzaprine 2.5mg (generic for Flexoril, muscle relaxer to help me sleep. this is the drug that he adjusted the dose so that I hopefully will not have that hungover feeling in the morning)

Vitamin D 2000mg 1x a day to help naturally with joint pain

Pool therapy 3x a week for 6 weeks (my therapist Renee developed a plan based off of my pain level. I told her my pain was at a functional 7. She said on days that I am 7 or below that we will work in the pool. On days that I am 7 or above, we will do heat and myofascial release instead and work on the soreness in a healthy manner)

Other things that I am going to start today are 2 supplements that have been recommended by Dr. Rodger Murphree in his book.

5-HTP-legal form of Tryptophan (that stuff in turkey that makes your sleepy after thanksgiving). Its the form of it after it has been metabolized and makes your sleepy. It is a natural occuring substance and sold with the supplements

SAMe-another natually occuring supplement found in the body, helps with joint pain and depression

Something that I am toying with doing is an elimination diet. I plan to read up more about this before I do it and get the facts about it. I have an appointment to talk with the dietition at my work next Tuesday and to see how to do it effectively and safely. Basically an elimination diet is that you "eliminate" pretty much everything from your diet except fruits, veggies, and lean meats. You do the diet for 3 weeks and then add back in a food like soy or dairy for 4 days. If your symptoms come back, you are sensitive to that food and know to eliminate it forever. Repeat the process again with the next food. I have been putting this off because I am pretty sure that one of my sensitive foods is sugar related and that kind of makes me sad to think about. But, I'm to the point that if it will make me feel better then I am willing to try it.

I love that I have answers now. I love that I have hope now. Best of all, I feel like there is a chance to go back to being pain free and that is priceless!

The Trouble with Fibromyalgia is...

I write this first post at 2 am. I took my muscle relaxer that is supposed to be helping me sleep at 10 pm. As you can tell it is working fabulous and now you get the overly exhausted version of this blog (sarcasm). I am writing this blog because I am finding out more and more that there are options out there. I have read more than one book, blog, article, anything that talks about Fibromyalgia Syndrome over and over again and they all talk about some mysterious cure that works for some but not for all and if you pay just a small fee, you too can find out what that special cure that may or may not work for you is. And thus lies the trouble with Fibromyalgia...nobody really knows what the heck it is and everyone has their own idea of what the "cure" is. My Rheumatologist wants to give me drugs that don't work or masks the symptoms or makes the symptoms worse. I know that he is just doing what he knows best, but it just ain't cutting it. The articles and books that I read say that it is a natural remedy that works and who needs drugs. So, here starts the blog of my journey. I want my cure. I will try everything possible that I can to blog my results and hopefully, just maybe, someone else can read this and possibly find help through my journey.

A little background on me:
My name is Jennifer. I am a wife to Zac and a mother of two small boys (Levi, age 6 and Kyle, age 2). I am an x-ray technologist for a local hospital and work full time on weekends doing 2, crazy 16-hour shifts. I am a pretty normal stay at home mom through the week. I help out at my church and am quite active there. My faith plays a huge role in my life and is probably one of the only reasons that I haven't gone insane yet. I emphasize the YET!

My fibro journey thus far:
My pain started around age 16 or 17. (I'm 33 now so it has been a while and with the fibro fog that I deal with, memories are starting to fade a bit.) I remember having horrid pain in my neck and shoulders. I would get severe knots. I just thought I was an extremely stressed out teenager. There was a lady in my church that worked in physical therapy. She would sit through choir practice and work on my knots, or "rocks" as she liked to call them. I had massage therapists tell me on more than one occasion that I was way to stressed out to have a back like I had at such a young age. The problem was, I really wasn't too stressed out. I mean, back then I thought I was stressed with making good grades, having a job, a social life, etc, but in comparison to now, it really wasn't too bad. It progressively got worse and I remember while I was in college the symptoms began to effect other parts of my body but I just chopped it up to the stress of school. I just wasn't raised to go to the doctor for minor things like chronic pain. You just took an ibuprofen if it got too bad and sucked it up the rest of the time. One day at work (maybe even when I was in clinicals-again, fibro fog is brutal), I looked down to see my hands swollen and red. They hurt and felt warm but I felt cold. It was odd. I showed one of the radiologists and he told me to make an appointment with my family doc to see if I could get blood work drawn while I was having symptoms. I was able to and the findings were inconclusive. I was sent to a specialist, Dr. Sakr, a rheumatologist. And thus is the day that I got the diagnosis. He looked at my lab work and said that it showed that I was healthy. He poked on me and asked me to rate the pain which was all 7 or above on the pain scale and he nonchalantly looked at me, "Ah, its simple. You have classic fibromyalgia." Never heard of it. He put me on Cymbalta and Lyrica, the two classic Fibro drugs and wanted me to follow up in a month to see how things were going. In that month I took my meds which helped greatly and read every book that I could about Fibromyalgia. I basically learned that my immune system is "hyper-sensitive". It means that when I ram into a wall, instead of my body saying, "Ow, that hurt!", it says, "Alert, alert, the human has broken her arm. Commence melt down sequence!"  It explained a lot. It also meant that I wasn't going crazy, which I was previously starting to wonder.

Time went on and I continued my regimen of meds, and excercise when I could make time for it. I then got pregnant with my oldest son. Meds were stopped immediately and surprisingly my symptoms were gone too. Pregnancy healed me. Granted, then I had to deal with all the uckiness of pregnancy. I popped out the kid and had a HORRID post week in the hospital where I was so sick and so was Levi. With all the stress, guess what....yep, the Fibro symptoms returned. I started back on my Cymbalta and Lyrica and I don't know what changed but the side effects were horrible. I suppose the Cymbalta still "kind of" helped but the Lyrica started making me dizzy. I remember being in Wal-Mart and having to clench onto my cart, new baby looking at me, while I waited patiently for the dizziness to stop. I started wondering what I would have done if that happened while I was driving. I stopped Lyrica that day along with the Cymbalta. I went back to toughing it out until I could see Dr. Sakr.

This is the period of time that I like to call the Pharmacy years. During this time I was put through the ringer in the pharmacy world. With the two best "Fibromyalgia Drugs" gone out of the mix, Dr. Sakr had to get creative. I tried Flexoril but that left me with a hangover and I can't be hung over with a kid to take care of. I was put on Klonopin. That was even worse. I resorted to Skelaxin and Ibuprofen as my go to drugs. Dr. Sakr did talk me into doing physical therapy during this time. It was a God-send. I had got to the point to where I couldn't get down on the floor and play with my kid. It was agonizing. Physical therapy strengthened my core and worked to get me functional again. I still use these exercises to help strengthen my core. I actually went for a small period of time after physical therapy with very few symptoms. It was great. Dr. Sakr also put me on Tramadol shortly after Therapy and that was what I took faithfully and I finally felt like I was on the mend.

Then comes the time of my life that I would like to refer to as the HELL years. I went through a period in my life that just wasn't that great. It was a stressful time in my marriage and to make matters even  more stressful I found out I was pregnant with Kyle. I had just lost 50lbs and was not planning on getting pregnant. This gross amount of stress sent me into the worst fibro flare of my life. I thought it was just pregnancy stuff at the time, but I realize now that it was full blown fibromyalgia at its worst. I was only allowed to take tylenol and baths for the pain. It just didn't cut it. I prayed and decided that me being in a constant state of stress and pain could not be healthy for the baby. So I started my Tramadol again and took it as sparingly as possible. I prayed safety over Kyle and that the effects of the medication would not harm him. I took hot baths while I drank ice water and that seemed to help as well. I was in survival mode. My OB doc sent me to physical therapy which helped as well. It was the worst 40 weeks of my life. And what was cool was that the complete opposite happened after Kyle was born. My fibromyalgia symptoms seemed to go away. I had several months of very mild pain that could be controled with just ibuprofen. It was wonderful.

That brings us to my current life. I would have mild flares after pushing myself too hard at an event or staying up late and getting up early several days in a row. I would just change my ways or my diet and the flare would go away. Not the case anymore. I feel just as bad as my pregnancy with Kyle, if not worse this time. For the past 3 weeks I have been in a flare. I went several days staying up late and then getting up early. My job has become more stressful and I find myself not enjoying it as much. I am the sole supporter of the finances right now and pretty much run this house. My husband is a great guy but has a load of his own as he finishes school and prepares to get a job for the fall. I am stressed, I'm not getting sleep, and my diet hasn't been the greatest so of course I am in a flare. The only problem is that the extra sleep, the diet changes, and the stress reducers aren't helping this time. That is unacceptable. So what do I do, I read. I am back to the basics. I am reading everything that I can and I am finding that there is a lot more information than there was 10 years ago when i was diagnosed.

So my journey begins:
I have read several books. My favorites have been "Figuring Out Fibromyalgia" by Dr. Ginerva Liptan. Her book talks about her own journey of getting her diagnosis during med school, having to take a year off, the stigma among her colleages that caused her to keep her disease a secret until after she graduated, and all the tests that she did and her take on everything along the way. GREAT BOOK! "Treating and Beating Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatique Syndrome: A Step-by-Step Program-Proven to Help You Get Well Again" by Dr. Rodger Murphree is also great! This book is a WEALTH of knowledge. With my medical background I enjoyed it because it got down to the why and was backed up with medical journals and gave real life proven help in Dr. Murphree's practice. Sure, it had a list of supplements that you can buy that help and his own developed system, but the knowledge is still worth every ounce of time reading it. I am perusing other books that I checked out at the library but those two are the ones that I clung onto every word. Their books were different because they said from the beginning that they just weren't going to settle for pills that don't work and to suck it up. So these are the two books that I am working with the most. And from those two books I am developing a plan of action.

My plan of action:
1. Meet with Dr. Sakr and discuss medication options since others I have tried haven't worked.
2. Meet with a nutritionist at place of employment to discuss diet and exercise options.
3. Figure out my insomnia issues and start sleeping schedule that actually works.
4. Once insomnia plan is started, start diet of clean eating...nothing processed, no sugar, very much like the 17 day diet of which I have done in the past, just not as strict.
5. Start working out again more than once a week and try to get rid of extra weight.
6. Start taking supplements that I have ordered based off of Dr. Murphree's book to see if they help along with a woman's multi-vitamin.
7. Continue reading and finding out all I can about this disease.
8.Blog my success and failures and hopefully help others on their journey.

I'm sure that there will be other things added to this list, but for now I will stick with these. I know that this first entry is long but I feel it is necessary. I hope that if you read this that this journey of mine will help you in your own. Blessings to all that read!