The trouble with motivation is...

I have tried starting this blog post with 4 different starting sentences. I think its so hard to start because I don't really know where to start. I'm going to cover something that almost every Fibromyalgia patient deals with. It's the stigma. It's the part that I hate most about Fibromyalgia. Some call it no energy. Some relate it to PMS. This aspect of Fibromyalgia is really only known by those that have it. It is the myriad of symptoms that make you feel like doing nothing and then you become depressed because you feel like you have nothing to offer society as a whole. Whatever it is, it is NOT laziness.

I hate it when someone sees me as lazy when they have no clue what I deal with. I understand how it can be seen as laziness when you leave me in my jammies, the house is a mess, and I'm curled up in a blanket trying to get warm. When you come home, I might have finally dressed but the house is still a mess and the only thing that seems different is the position that I am in on the couch and the sheets in the bed where I had taken a nap earlier. I totally get how that will be seen as laziness. However, I want you to know that it isn't laziness. I'm sick. There is a difference.

With Fibromyalgia all the symptoms are on the inside. Its a vicious cycle of wanting to do something and having no energy to do said activity. There are days when you getting up and moving around is a HUGE accomplishment. While I don't proclaim these days to the world (or at least try not to), my family sees me on these days that I am at my worst. When I have these type of days a few days in a row, I'm started to be seen as lazy. The hard part is that I WANT to get up an clean. I WANT to go outside and play with the kids. I WANT to live a normal life and do normal things. And the hard part is that I would love to give you a reason as to why I cannot do the things that I want to do. My body just won't let me and I have to obey it or it will make it a lot worse. 

One of the main symptoms of Fibromyalgia is living in a CONSTANT state of fight or flight. Picture yourself being chased by a beast, a killer, any scary thing that wants to take your life from you. You would be tired when you finally got away and were safe, right? Now picture a trip to the grocery store as that beast chasing you. Or maybe that beast decided to stalk you while you were getting up and making breakfast for the family. Picture getting your family up and ready for school and dropping the kids off in the freezing cold and it exhausting you just like running from a horribly scary thing that is trying to take your life. THAT is what it is like having Fibromyalgia. Fibromyalgia takes a normal, average day of daily tasks and makes it into a state of fight or flight that exhausts you. Your nervous system is messed up. It cannot distinguish the difference between normal and extreme. Everything is extreme. Scientists and doctors do not know why Fibromyalgia patient's do this or what exactly causes that switch to get flipped into that mode, but it does and it's a booger to get this switch flipped back to where it is supposed to be. 

I do not have a magical formula of how to flip that switch back. I wish I did. I would not only make millions with the Fibromyalgia community, I would be able to help so many. What I do know is that it takes time. Exercise and eating right are two of the best things that you can do to help yourself start to flip the switch back to where it should be. You have to take it easy. You can't just go and do 100 jumping jacks and be cured. Again, I wish it were that way. Yoga, pilates, tai chi...these exercises are your friends. They strengthen you and help heal you but they don't necessarily take a long time to recover from. Eating right will help as well. Food can be medicine. I'm not saying that you cannot go out and indulge on occasion. You just can't eat McDonald's 5 days a week and then wonder why you feel like poo. I highly recommend doing a gluten free diet if you haven't. Just like with anything with Fibromyalgia, this will take some time as well. My diet change took about 3 weeks to finally take over and make me feel better. I also add liquid Tumeric and D-Ribose powder to whatever I am drinking every morning. I also take a B12 Complex in order to help boost my energy. It has taken years of trial and error but this is what works for me. I cannot say that this will help you because everybody responds different to treatment. 

My point of this blog today is to tell you not to give up. Remember that YOU are fighting this battle. Yes, your family at times, as much as they love you, will add to your load that you are already fighting. Don't hold it against them. They want what is best for you and only want you to feel better. They want to push you to do more because they want you to be a part of every part of them. It is YOUR job to try to get better. And you owe it to those that love you most to try your hardest to find your cure. Don't give up. You are worth more than you might think you are. Remember you are not Fibromyalgia. You are a person who is sick and should fight. If you had cancer or some other disease with a cure would you not go after the cure? Go after your cure. You are worth it! 

The trouble with dumb decisions is....

It's a law you know; the law of sowing and reaping.  The Bible talks about it many times. Some refer to it as Karma. Whatever you see it as, it remains a law. And if it ins't, it should be.  If you do good things, good things should return to you. If you do bad things, bad things will eventually return. If you plant corn seed in summer and work your garden efficiently, you will reap grown corn in early fall. If you work out 5 days a week for an hour, you will build muscle. If you study hard for a test and learn the information that you need to for an exam, you should do well. When you go to the cafeteria at work and it smells heavenly with the smell of fried foods that you are not supposed to eat, and you decide to eat them anyway, the forces of evil will invade your bowels and you will wish death upon your soul.

Well, it wasn't that bad, but it almost was. The latter, I am afraid to say, did happen. I woke up late because I was tired and decided to shower instead of prep food for work. I grabbed a few things and threw them in a bag, but they really weren't food that I was excited to eat. When I walked down to the cafeteria to see if they had anything that might taste better than what I had brought and found perfectly cooked little bite sized pieces of chicken nuggets I had the thought, "Oh, I will just cheat this once. It can't be that bad. I have eaten gluten for years and I lived another day. I might as well enjoy myself today. I deserve it." WORST..... THOUGHT...... EVER!

It wasn't an instant transformation. I remember thinking after I ate the few bites of breaded chicken bites, if it was a smart decision and also thinking, "Really, how bad could it be?" My stomach didn't really hurt after I ate. I just felt full. As the last few hours of my shift went on, I began to get horrid pain in my joints. I mean, I looked like I had done about 1,000 squats and could barely walk. I ran by the store to get some Epsom Salts so I could soak in a bath when I got home. I had a short nap after and when I awoke I felt like a MAC truck had ran me over, backed up, ran me over again, and just for good measure, repeated said action. The pain...the horrid pain that I had gone without for 3 weeks now, had returned with a vengeance.

I don't know if my pain receptors had been so overworked in the past that they just lived in a dull state, or if they were just really trying to get across that I should never eat little, breaded chicken bites EVER AGAIN! Whatever they were trying to do, it worked. I actually cried over said pain. I have had Fibromyalgia pain for more years than I would like to remember and I usually just cried over the lack of relief and the frustration of having the disease, but I never actually cried out of the physical pain. I was trying to get ready for church and my slow moving body just would not let up. The act of just being on my feet sent horrid jolts of pain into my knees and hips. It was like growing pains or shin splints on steroids.  I just broke and finally relented.  I cried because of the pain. I cried because I wanted to go to church and my body just wouldn't let me. I cried because I really didn't want people to see me in this state and I knew that my family would be affected most by the incapacitated Mom. I finally realized I was broken and a dumb decision was the cause.

A person cannot convince me now that diet is not related to Fibromyalgia after last night...at least in my case. If you are struggling with your Fibromyalgia, I sincerely urge you to try going gluten free. Yes, it takes some planning and it will probably mean giving up your beloved Chicken Nuggets, but the benefits are so worth it. Pain levels at a minimum, fresh non-foggy brain, and the ability to be the person God created you to be are all side effects that can be achieved by giving (the evil) gluten up. I'm sure that the episode of weakness that I had yesterday when I decided to eat it "just this once" will not be the last time that I will fall to temptation. As long as those moments of weakness get less and less though, I'm sure that this will be worth it. My journey isn't over. I will be healthy this year and I am already coming back fighting! Trek on fibromites. You are worth it!

The trouble with dieting is...

I get asked a lot, "How is the gluten free thing going?" I have to say that it is going FABULOUS! And it isn't just a gluten free "thing", it has become a lifestyle thing. I'm still learning and I have not been perfect (which will be another blog post). One of the greatest things that I have learned in this process is that gluten free does not mean that you are on a diet.

One of the things with dieting is that you are restricting what you are eating, or eating only certain "healthy" foods in an effort to change something about your body, whether it be a weight issue or a health issue. While that describes the gluten free lifestyle quite well, it does not mean that weight loss will happen naturally. Well, I, being the naive person on the matter, figured that just by eating gluten free that I would lose a ton of weight. Instead I was able to maintain my current weight and then add a couple more pounds to it. Very frustrating! Foods that used to be my go to diet foods are off limits due to the wheat content. While I know that fruits and veggies are gluten free, I was not made to be a vegetarian. I like my pizza and I like my Wendy's (which is one of the few fast food places that is gluten friendly with its menu). 

The health benefits of going gluten free have been amazing for my Fibromyalgia pain and suffering. I don't wake up near as stiff nor does it take me a good hour to feel like a human again. I wake up in a great mood. The mental clarity is coming back as well that used to be covered by the infamous "Fibro-fog". I have no regrets trying this way of eating and, although it is hard at times and takes more planning, the reduction of Fibro symptoms is so worth it. Weight loss, unfortunately, is not a natural side effect. 

So, this blog post is for the Fibromyalgia dieter who is going gluten free. Count your calories and exercise what you can. Don't cheat on your gluten free diet, no matter how much you might want that convenience food! Believe me! It isn't worth it and it will set you back in your health! Know that it can be hard but the ultimate result is worth it. Hang in there and keep going. If you do cheat and end up with the horrid Fibromyalgia symptoms back with a vengeance, take your day or two and heal, learn the lesson, and then get back on the horse and keep trucking on. Your health is worth every sacrifice and the end result will be so worth it. You are worth it! Stay healthy Fibromites!