PROGRESS!!! Oh how I love that word! Progress makes me happy. The trouble with progress, though, is that when you have fibromyalgia, you will see progress one day and then tomorrow it might all be hid by pain and sleepiness. For example, I am on my 4th week of physical therapy. During the 4 weeks I think I have either had to miss one day of each week due to sickness or other obligations or was in so much pain that I was unable to get into the pool and increase my stregnth training. I didn't feel like I was making much progress. I felt like everything that I was doing wasn't helping. I was really discouraged.
Hope was restored this weekend. I was at work talking to a co-worker about going to therapy and getting in the pool. They asked why I was having to do therapy and I went through my typical spiel about how I have fibro and that I am just really weak, etc. I began to talk about my initial consult and how weak I was on my left side. I was in the process of showing the test that had been done on my left leg and realized that my left leg was pretty strong again. It is nowhere near where it used to be, but it is definitely not where it was. This excitement came over me as I realized that I was making progress even though it didn't feel like I was.
Fibromyalgia is mean like that. Having such a hypersensitve immune system, you have to work twice as hard to see the same results, and even then, results are masked at times. Just like in me, when I was actually making so much progress, I had no idea because I was in pain and just wanted to sleep all the time. My house was destroyed because I just didn't feel like I had the stregnth to get up and take care of all the things that needed to be done. I would talk down to myself saying that if I wasn't so lazy or if I could just get better or if I would just suck it up that things would get better. During all of this negativity, I was making progress. PROGRESS! Again, such a beautiful word!
Don't give up fibro-fighters. Just because you are in the flare doesn't mean that your body isn't fighting back. Remember, this is war and you are the one who will win! You have to! There is no other option. So until next time, keep fighting!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
The problem with others with fibromyalgia is...
The past 2 days have been rough. As I have written in the past I HATE taking my meds. I know that they make me feel better, but I don't want to start building up that tolerance and have to need tons of meds when I'm older. My pain level has been up so I have been having to take my pain meds more than I would like to. Granted, I usually take the lowest dose allowed and I can take more if needed, but I don't even like taking the lowest amount, even if it does make me feel better. I know it doesn't make sense, but that is how much I hate taking medicine.
Also, in the past 2 days, I met 2 more people that have fibromyalgia. Working in the medical field, I know that there is a stigma that goes along with this disease. Many physicians see us as hypochondriacs or drug seekers. It bothers me. It actually bothers me a lot to the point that I don't even like to be associated as a person with fibromyalgia. I know that I shouldn't be that way and I should stand up for the disease because I know how real it is, but I just don't have the energy to fight that battle right now. So I choose to be silent in most cases and keep very private about having fibro with most of my colleages in the ancillary departments.
One of the people I met this weekend was a person that helps create the stigma that goes along with fibromyalgia. This person was one of the MANY people that I have encountered that makes me want to disassociate myself away from the disease. One of my co-workers asked a question of what brought them to the medical facility and this person went on, like I have heard so many times, to tell that they have a myriad of diseases and end it with, "and I also have fibromyaglia." My co-worker, knowing that I was struggling with the disease as well, and also knowing that I was looking for answers to get help, nonchalantly asked, "Really, Jennifer has fibromyalgia. What do you take for that?" And thus the conglomerate of medications in gross amounts of doses flowed from the person's mouth. I was amazed the person was even in an upright position. My co-worker asked how the individual was able to function of which they replied, "Well, I usually just sleep all day." And once again, I was embarassed to be a part of the fibromyalgia community.
The other person that I met was a very sweet medical professional "trying" to help me in my goals to live a pain free life. She was new to the department that she was working in, a traveler that helps out when needed and I got her on her very first day. Lucky me. She spent most of the time talking about herself, introducing herself I suppose, in order to make me feel more comfortable. We actually had several things in common and I was able to follow the things that she spoke of. She also told me that she had fibromyalgia and was excited to work with me because she was now pain free and off all of her meds and was hoping to help me in any way that she could. Hope was restored because her testimony was my goal. That hope, unfortunately, was dampened the more that she talked.
As she prepared me for my therapy session I had to get into a gown. On my lower back, I have a tattoo; a tramp stamp I suppose you could call it, but it is much larger than the typical tramp stamp. It actually fills up my entire lower back. Because of its size, you cannot miss it. She commented on its elaborate nature and I told her that it was a charm bracelet and the "charms" represented all the things that are most dear to me in my life. In the middle of it is my favorite Bible verse, Isaiah 30:21. She asked me what it says and I quoted it, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way, walk in it.'" She corrected me and quoted it in King James. I just blew it off. As I layed there, on some moist heat, she continued talking to me, asking me about my church preference, my religious history, etc. She then asked me if I had ever heard of a certain preacher and his divine healing ministry. I told her that I had not. She then began to tell me that he was a pre-med student and pastor and he began to do his own research and that he had come to the realization that all ailments or diseases are the results of various demons speaking lies into our lives. Yeah....so the conversation progressed and she went on to tell me how she met the guy and he did a complete profile on her and that her lies were fear and the feelings of a spouse who did not care about her.
TIME OUT: I do not want to come off as bashing this woman at all. Or the other person that I spoke of. I am all for any person's way for dealing with this horrible disease. I am just venting in my search for MY answers to how to help MYSELF. TIME IN:
So, she went on and on, talking about herself as she struggled to figure out how to take care of me and carry out medical orders on her first day on the job. It was frustrating because I really needed some relief from the pain that I was in and what I got was a poorly done therapy session. I cried the entire way home from my appointment.
Fibromyalgia stinks. Every person who has fibromyaglia is different. Everyone responds to different things and hardly any physician wants to take on the challenge of figuring out what it really is. Just like the 2 people that I met, each person seeks out different relief. For one, they choose to just be drugged out of their mind and sleep their life away. That may be fine for that person, but I don't want to do that. And while I am happy that the woman was able to deal with her marital and fear issues, I don't necessarily believe that it is a demon causing my "afflictions". And thus lies my issues with the disease. There is no, one single, cut and dry treatment for fibromyalgia. Its a guessing game of try this and try that and I hope this one doesn't make you too sick cause its your only hope, etc. Every book I have read talks about ALL the treatments out there for fibromyaglia and how you have to pretty much try them all and find out what works for YOU. And that is the reason for this blog. I hope that in my journey to find out what works for me that maybe, just maybe, you can possibly find something that can work for you as well...even if it includes casting out a demon or two. :)
Also, in the past 2 days, I met 2 more people that have fibromyalgia. Working in the medical field, I know that there is a stigma that goes along with this disease. Many physicians see us as hypochondriacs or drug seekers. It bothers me. It actually bothers me a lot to the point that I don't even like to be associated as a person with fibromyalgia. I know that I shouldn't be that way and I should stand up for the disease because I know how real it is, but I just don't have the energy to fight that battle right now. So I choose to be silent in most cases and keep very private about having fibro with most of my colleages in the ancillary departments.
One of the people I met this weekend was a person that helps create the stigma that goes along with fibromyalgia. This person was one of the MANY people that I have encountered that makes me want to disassociate myself away from the disease. One of my co-workers asked a question of what brought them to the medical facility and this person went on, like I have heard so many times, to tell that they have a myriad of diseases and end it with, "and I also have fibromyaglia." My co-worker, knowing that I was struggling with the disease as well, and also knowing that I was looking for answers to get help, nonchalantly asked, "Really, Jennifer has fibromyalgia. What do you take for that?" And thus the conglomerate of medications in gross amounts of doses flowed from the person's mouth. I was amazed the person was even in an upright position. My co-worker asked how the individual was able to function of which they replied, "Well, I usually just sleep all day." And once again, I was embarassed to be a part of the fibromyalgia community.
The other person that I met was a very sweet medical professional "trying" to help me in my goals to live a pain free life. She was new to the department that she was working in, a traveler that helps out when needed and I got her on her very first day. Lucky me. She spent most of the time talking about herself, introducing herself I suppose, in order to make me feel more comfortable. We actually had several things in common and I was able to follow the things that she spoke of. She also told me that she had fibromyalgia and was excited to work with me because she was now pain free and off all of her meds and was hoping to help me in any way that she could. Hope was restored because her testimony was my goal. That hope, unfortunately, was dampened the more that she talked.
As she prepared me for my therapy session I had to get into a gown. On my lower back, I have a tattoo; a tramp stamp I suppose you could call it, but it is much larger than the typical tramp stamp. It actually fills up my entire lower back. Because of its size, you cannot miss it. She commented on its elaborate nature and I told her that it was a charm bracelet and the "charms" represented all the things that are most dear to me in my life. In the middle of it is my favorite Bible verse, Isaiah 30:21. She asked me what it says and I quoted it, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way, walk in it.'" She corrected me and quoted it in King James. I just blew it off. As I layed there, on some moist heat, she continued talking to me, asking me about my church preference, my religious history, etc. She then asked me if I had ever heard of a certain preacher and his divine healing ministry. I told her that I had not. She then began to tell me that he was a pre-med student and pastor and he began to do his own research and that he had come to the realization that all ailments or diseases are the results of various demons speaking lies into our lives. Yeah....so the conversation progressed and she went on to tell me how she met the guy and he did a complete profile on her and that her lies were fear and the feelings of a spouse who did not care about her.
TIME OUT: I do not want to come off as bashing this woman at all. Or the other person that I spoke of. I am all for any person's way for dealing with this horrible disease. I am just venting in my search for MY answers to how to help MYSELF. TIME IN:
So, she went on and on, talking about herself as she struggled to figure out how to take care of me and carry out medical orders on her first day on the job. It was frustrating because I really needed some relief from the pain that I was in and what I got was a poorly done therapy session. I cried the entire way home from my appointment.
Fibromyalgia stinks. Every person who has fibromyaglia is different. Everyone responds to different things and hardly any physician wants to take on the challenge of figuring out what it really is. Just like the 2 people that I met, each person seeks out different relief. For one, they choose to just be drugged out of their mind and sleep their life away. That may be fine for that person, but I don't want to do that. And while I am happy that the woman was able to deal with her marital and fear issues, I don't necessarily believe that it is a demon causing my "afflictions". And thus lies my issues with the disease. There is no, one single, cut and dry treatment for fibromyalgia. Its a guessing game of try this and try that and I hope this one doesn't make you too sick cause its your only hope, etc. Every book I have read talks about ALL the treatments out there for fibromyaglia and how you have to pretty much try them all and find out what works for YOU. And that is the reason for this blog. I hope that in my journey to find out what works for me that maybe, just maybe, you can possibly find something that can work for you as well...even if it includes casting out a demon or two. :)
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
The trouble with time is...
If you read my blog last week I was in a very low place. I felt like my meds were not working. I felt like physical therapy wasn't doing a lot. All I could focus on is the here and now and it was miserable. Last week was a long, depressing weak.
Then Saturday came. Due to my work schedule, I sleep in pretty late on Saturday mornings in prep for my shift of no sleep on Saturday night. I woke up and stood up to find no pain, or at least very little compared to what had become the norm for me. I was slightly worried because I was set to start taking my higher dosage of Cymbalta and if you read my earlier blog, it had made me really sick. I was done with my 30mg doses and so I broke out the bottle of 60mg and said a prayer and took it. Work was crazy busy both days. I figured Monday would result in being back to normal pain, but surprisingly, it wasn't bad either.
I am still kind of shocked at such a turn around in my body. As miserable as last week was I was not expecting to feel good this week. Such positive things have been happening. I stepped on the scale and am down 5lbs. (I think that is mostly due to the 5-HTP that I have been taking to help me sleep. It apparently is marketed as a diet pill and I didn't know that.) I have been in better spirits as well. I can honestly say that after last week, I know what full blown depression is like. Like I said, I was at a major low point. So maybe my body just needs the higher dose of Cymbalta to help it. Physical therapy is making me stronger as well. I am NOWHERE where I need to be strength wise yet, but I can sure tell a difference since I started going.
They say time heals all wounds. I don't know if that is true in all cases, but apparently that is true with me. I feel like a new person to some extent. I am excited to see what the future holds. Hope is slowly returning and, although I am skeptical of my new found healthier demeanor, I feel like I'm finally starting to get better. So if you are reading this in the middle of a flare, hang in there. Last week I kept saying that tomorrow is a new day and it can always be better. Today is finally better. Keep fighting!
Then Saturday came. Due to my work schedule, I sleep in pretty late on Saturday mornings in prep for my shift of no sleep on Saturday night. I woke up and stood up to find no pain, or at least very little compared to what had become the norm for me. I was slightly worried because I was set to start taking my higher dosage of Cymbalta and if you read my earlier blog, it had made me really sick. I was done with my 30mg doses and so I broke out the bottle of 60mg and said a prayer and took it. Work was crazy busy both days. I figured Monday would result in being back to normal pain, but surprisingly, it wasn't bad either.
I am still kind of shocked at such a turn around in my body. As miserable as last week was I was not expecting to feel good this week. Such positive things have been happening. I stepped on the scale and am down 5lbs. (I think that is mostly due to the 5-HTP that I have been taking to help me sleep. It apparently is marketed as a diet pill and I didn't know that.) I have been in better spirits as well. I can honestly say that after last week, I know what full blown depression is like. Like I said, I was at a major low point. So maybe my body just needs the higher dose of Cymbalta to help it. Physical therapy is making me stronger as well. I am NOWHERE where I need to be strength wise yet, but I can sure tell a difference since I started going.
They say time heals all wounds. I don't know if that is true in all cases, but apparently that is true with me. I feel like a new person to some extent. I am excited to see what the future holds. Hope is slowly returning and, although I am skeptical of my new found healthier demeanor, I feel like I'm finally starting to get better. So if you are reading this in the middle of a flare, hang in there. Last week I kept saying that tomorrow is a new day and it can always be better. Today is finally better. Keep fighting!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
The trouble with an awesome husband...
I am a blessed woman! I married a man that I do not deserve at all. He isn't perfect, but neither am I. This morning I woke up and received a text shortly after from Zac saying, "Did you get your note?" I looked around and found a note under my pillow.
This note was filled with the words that were perfect for today. He had written encouraging words comforting me saying that life wouldn't always be like this and that things would eventually get better. He talked about how much he loved me and how he would always be there for me. It was awesome.
Having fibromyalgia can be so hard on a relationship. There are several days that I can't clean house and am in so much pain that plans get changed. Routine is non-existent and it feels like sleep is either something I get too much of or never get enough of. The person who suffers right along with me Zac. He is the person that sees me as I really am, without the front of being strong. He is the person that rubs my back every night so I can get a little bit of relief. He's the one who gives and gives and gives and doesn't ask for anything in return.
I love this man so much. He is the rock that I can lean on in this world and the one that helps me not give up. He helps me keep my sanity (what is left of it). He deserves the best and he got me. I feel beyond blessed to have Zac as my husband. I don't know if I can ever thank him enough for all that he does. I hope that someday I can make it up to him!
This note was filled with the words that were perfect for today. He had written encouraging words comforting me saying that life wouldn't always be like this and that things would eventually get better. He talked about how much he loved me and how he would always be there for me. It was awesome.
Having fibromyalgia can be so hard on a relationship. There are several days that I can't clean house and am in so much pain that plans get changed. Routine is non-existent and it feels like sleep is either something I get too much of or never get enough of. The person who suffers right along with me Zac. He is the person that sees me as I really am, without the front of being strong. He is the person that rubs my back every night so I can get a little bit of relief. He's the one who gives and gives and gives and doesn't ask for anything in return.
I love this man so much. He is the rock that I can lean on in this world and the one that helps me not give up. He helps me keep my sanity (what is left of it). He deserves the best and he got me. I feel beyond blessed to have Zac as my husband. I don't know if I can ever thank him enough for all that he does. I hope that someday I can make it up to him!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
The trouble with my bed is...
The one thing that I hate most about fibromyalgia is that I never know how I am going to feel the next day. I go to bed in my comfortable bed. I may or may not sleep well and when it is time to get up the next day I lay there and debate if I am ready to face how my body is going to feel when I put my feet on the floor.
Today I woke to find my youngest curled up in the crook of my legs. I must have slept hard cause I have no idea when he crawled into our bed. I did not want to get up. My fingers were swollen and achey and I have grown to know that when my hands are like that that my feet will not like it when I put weight on them. And thus the problem lies...it doesn't matter how good or how bad I sleep, I NEVER know how the next day will be.
I forced myself out of bed after staying in there way too long. My suspicions were confirmed and sure enough the pain shot through my legs. I was texted shortly after this and asked by the bestie if I wanted to walk at the park. I usually work out anyway on this day of the week so I said I would see her after I dropped the kids off at their schools. I questioned the entire time if I made the right decision.
The park was on the colder side this morning. It was in the 60's but for some reason it felt cold. We started walking and talking and I was able to forget how cold it was. Best friend therapy is always good. I was able to vent about life in general and get caught up on her life and just have a true vent session that only a best friend can provide. She works nights and so as she talked about heading home and going to bed, it made me think about going back to bed...and so I did.
Mid-morning or mid-day naps are always nice. Its like I get a do-over of how I get to wake up. It is still a Russian roulette type thing though when it is time to wake up. I sometimes wake up and feel great and it was just what I needed. This time, though, it was the opposite. I think that I actually woke up feeling worse. My left shoulder was killing me and I had to go to therapy.
Therapy was ok. I did the pool even though I didn't want to. I kept telling myself that if I didn't push myself that I was never going to get better. I don't know if I made the right decision or not. I know that the coffee that I drank after helped me to wake up a bit and helped me to clean my house. The joint pain is still here though and it is just dull enough to be annoying.
So I can just say that today wasn't the greatest. I am still thankful for being alive and getting the opportunity to try again another day. I enjoy my bed and love how I sleep in it. I'm just working on how I wake up. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and one step closer to the healing process.
Today I woke to find my youngest curled up in the crook of my legs. I must have slept hard cause I have no idea when he crawled into our bed. I did not want to get up. My fingers were swollen and achey and I have grown to know that when my hands are like that that my feet will not like it when I put weight on them. And thus the problem lies...it doesn't matter how good or how bad I sleep, I NEVER know how the next day will be.
I forced myself out of bed after staying in there way too long. My suspicions were confirmed and sure enough the pain shot through my legs. I was texted shortly after this and asked by the bestie if I wanted to walk at the park. I usually work out anyway on this day of the week so I said I would see her after I dropped the kids off at their schools. I questioned the entire time if I made the right decision.
The park was on the colder side this morning. It was in the 60's but for some reason it felt cold. We started walking and talking and I was able to forget how cold it was. Best friend therapy is always good. I was able to vent about life in general and get caught up on her life and just have a true vent session that only a best friend can provide. She works nights and so as she talked about heading home and going to bed, it made me think about going back to bed...and so I did.
Mid-morning or mid-day naps are always nice. Its like I get a do-over of how I get to wake up. It is still a Russian roulette type thing though when it is time to wake up. I sometimes wake up and feel great and it was just what I needed. This time, though, it was the opposite. I think that I actually woke up feeling worse. My left shoulder was killing me and I had to go to therapy.
Therapy was ok. I did the pool even though I didn't want to. I kept telling myself that if I didn't push myself that I was never going to get better. I don't know if I made the right decision or not. I know that the coffee that I drank after helped me to wake up a bit and helped me to clean my house. The joint pain is still here though and it is just dull enough to be annoying.
So I can just say that today wasn't the greatest. I am still thankful for being alive and getting the opportunity to try again another day. I enjoy my bed and love how I sleep in it. I'm just working on how I wake up. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and one step closer to the healing process.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
The trouble with tomorrow is...
After such a long, painful day yesterday, I was not expecting such a wonderful change in how I feel. I attribute most of my happy demeanor today to physical therapy yesterday. My therapist, Renee, was ready to get me in the pool and then I told her how much pain I was in. She said that we could do feel good stuff and boy did she do that. Between the heat, the tens unit, the massage over my sore muscles, it really helped so much. She even got rid of a nagging headache I had using an accupressure technique between my thumb and first finger.
The final step was myofascial release. I had never had this done before but it has been said that it is great for people with Fibromyalgia. I had always wanted to have it done and I got my chance finally. The theory behind myofascial release is that all the muscle and tissues is covered in fascia and it is all woven together. Renee explained it to me that it is kind of like a knit sweater. When you snag a knitted sweater and a thread is pulled, it doesn't just affect that tiny part of the sweater, it affects the entire sweater. The fascia of the body is very similar. Instead of having a squishy matrix, it turns hard, but when stretched out, it returns to its squishy, flexible state. So, I was laid on my back and she did very light stretching along the top of my back, my shoulders, my arms, and finally the base of my skull. It was so gentle of a pull I didn't think anything was really working. Then when she was done I sat up and was blown away. The pain that I had had that was so intense was virtually non-existent. My rock hard muscles were squishy again. I moved my neck from side to side and my neck vertebrae popped 3 or 4 times. I felt like a new woman.
For the rest of the day I took it easy. I got some pampering stuff at the hospital gift shop and some new yoga pants at a consignment shop. I came home and took a hot bath, snuggled into my comfy clothes, and took it easy for the rest of the night. I also put on some of those thermacare heat wraps on my neck and shoulders and my back. I decided to relax and do some coloring (something I have done for years to relax). The kids watched tv and colored as well. Around 8:30, I put the kids down for bed, and then I went and laid down as well. I pretty much was out by 9pm and didn't get up until 7am. It was good sleep too. With all of that, I feel like a new woman today.
Some days you just need a lazy day to recover AND THAT IS OK. I was so down yesterday and felt like a loser because I literally could not do anything. The pain in my joints was almost too much to take. I got to the point to where I just expected it to always be like that. My perspective was off. So if you are having a down day, remember, it is just that...a bad day. I know that when you are going through a bad day that you worry that tomorrow will be the same or that it will never get here, but hang in there. Tomorrow is a new day. You never know what to expect when you have Fibromyalgia but that is part of the adventure of the war that we are in. Each day brings something new. We are strong people though and we can handle it. Hang in there friends!
The final step was myofascial release. I had never had this done before but it has been said that it is great for people with Fibromyalgia. I had always wanted to have it done and I got my chance finally. The theory behind myofascial release is that all the muscle and tissues is covered in fascia and it is all woven together. Renee explained it to me that it is kind of like a knit sweater. When you snag a knitted sweater and a thread is pulled, it doesn't just affect that tiny part of the sweater, it affects the entire sweater. The fascia of the body is very similar. Instead of having a squishy matrix, it turns hard, but when stretched out, it returns to its squishy, flexible state. So, I was laid on my back and she did very light stretching along the top of my back, my shoulders, my arms, and finally the base of my skull. It was so gentle of a pull I didn't think anything was really working. Then when she was done I sat up and was blown away. The pain that I had had that was so intense was virtually non-existent. My rock hard muscles were squishy again. I moved my neck from side to side and my neck vertebrae popped 3 or 4 times. I felt like a new woman.
For the rest of the day I took it easy. I got some pampering stuff at the hospital gift shop and some new yoga pants at a consignment shop. I came home and took a hot bath, snuggled into my comfy clothes, and took it easy for the rest of the night. I also put on some of those thermacare heat wraps on my neck and shoulders and my back. I decided to relax and do some coloring (something I have done for years to relax). The kids watched tv and colored as well. Around 8:30, I put the kids down for bed, and then I went and laid down as well. I pretty much was out by 9pm and didn't get up until 7am. It was good sleep too. With all of that, I feel like a new woman today.
Some days you just need a lazy day to recover AND THAT IS OK. I was so down yesterday and felt like a loser because I literally could not do anything. The pain in my joints was almost too much to take. I got to the point to where I just expected it to always be like that. My perspective was off. So if you are having a down day, remember, it is just that...a bad day. I know that when you are going through a bad day that you worry that tomorrow will be the same or that it will never get here, but hang in there. Tomorrow is a new day. You never know what to expect when you have Fibromyalgia but that is part of the adventure of the war that we are in. Each day brings something new. We are strong people though and we can handle it. Hang in there friends!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
The trouble with discouragement is...
Some days it seems like it's an uphill battle to stay positive. When there are so many negatives battling to win the mind over to the dark side, it is really easy to just give up the fight to stay in a happy state. Today is one of those days.
This morning I woke up. That in itself is something to be thankful for and I am thankful that I did, indeed, wakeup this morning. I just would like to wake up pain free one day; no stiff joints, no shooting pains in my back when I sit up, and no dull pain throughout my body when I put weight on my feet. Due to the state of my destroyed house because of the massive amount of laundry that I have put off due to this recent flare, I fenagled my way around to a path to the bathroom. I looked at my messy bathroom which stressed me out more and then looked in the mirror. Ouch! I really should have taken the blow dryer to the hair last night but I didn't have the strength to hold it up. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful that I have a home, even if it is messy. I am thankful that I have hair on my head that is in desperate need of my sister-in-law's handywork. I am thankful for my family that destroyed my nice clean house and helped me with my laundry issue. At the same time, those things are stressors that I have to work really hard to not let overwhelm me. I have to work to stay positive in those moments where I just want to fully break down and be committed to a mental hospital.
Fibromyalgia is a hard disease to have, especially in a flare. Unless you have the awful disease, people just don't understand what you go through. They have no idea the effort it takes just to keep going when all you want to do is stay in bed. Just when you get hope through a new doctor, or new medicines, or new therapies, it seems the disease says, "Hmm...we haven't thrown this at her yet. Let's see how she does with this!" My symptoms used to be pretty normal symptoms that were treatable with mild pain killers or the occasional sleep aid. The flare that I am in now has thrown at me so much new stuff that it is beginning to overwhelm me. I had the joint pain before but now I have that with muscle spasms that shoot through my back or my arms or my neck and head. I have started to clench my jaw which I never used to do and have to consciously make an effort to relax it. I have a constant headache that no amount of ibuprofen will fix. The hope that I had after I saw my doctor is dwindling to almost non-existent. I am at a low that I haven't been at in a while. While I am not a depressed person, I have several depression symptoms. The situation seems hopeless but that is where you have to kick yourself in the butt and yell at your brain and say, "Stop it! Just stop it!" And the pep talk to myself begins as follows:
Fibromyalgia IS treatable! You are doing the best you can today and tomorrow will be different. Sure, today is a bad day; a really bad day! But, you know what? You are doing a good job! You are fighting and some days you can't fight as hard as you normally do and that is ok! The pain is no fun. The headaches are no fun. The destroyed house is no fun. But you will survive and you will make it to fight another day. You have researched and you have worked hard to find out treatments that will help. You are taking your medicine and you are going to therapy. You are a survivor and you will survive this flare, just like every other one you have encountered. You will look back and say, "That was bad but I didn't give up and now look at how far I have come." So stop focusing on the negative and keep going. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going even when you don't want to. You are a fighter and Fibromyalgia is not going to win this time either. Suck it up cause you CAN do this.
Remember, people reading this blog, you cannot rely on others to be your motivation for change or for your hope. Sometimes you are the one who has to give yourself the pep talk cause nobody else is around to do it. You are worth the pep talk and worth the fight. Keep fighting, even on days when you don't want to. We will win this. As Dr. Rodger Murphree says, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." Happy eating!
This morning I woke up. That in itself is something to be thankful for and I am thankful that I did, indeed, wakeup this morning. I just would like to wake up pain free one day; no stiff joints, no shooting pains in my back when I sit up, and no dull pain throughout my body when I put weight on my feet. Due to the state of my destroyed house because of the massive amount of laundry that I have put off due to this recent flare, I fenagled my way around to a path to the bathroom. I looked at my messy bathroom which stressed me out more and then looked in the mirror. Ouch! I really should have taken the blow dryer to the hair last night but I didn't have the strength to hold it up. Don't get me wrong. I am thankful that I have a home, even if it is messy. I am thankful that I have hair on my head that is in desperate need of my sister-in-law's handywork. I am thankful for my family that destroyed my nice clean house and helped me with my laundry issue. At the same time, those things are stressors that I have to work really hard to not let overwhelm me. I have to work to stay positive in those moments where I just want to fully break down and be committed to a mental hospital.
Fibromyalgia is a hard disease to have, especially in a flare. Unless you have the awful disease, people just don't understand what you go through. They have no idea the effort it takes just to keep going when all you want to do is stay in bed. Just when you get hope through a new doctor, or new medicines, or new therapies, it seems the disease says, "Hmm...we haven't thrown this at her yet. Let's see how she does with this!" My symptoms used to be pretty normal symptoms that were treatable with mild pain killers or the occasional sleep aid. The flare that I am in now has thrown at me so much new stuff that it is beginning to overwhelm me. I had the joint pain before but now I have that with muscle spasms that shoot through my back or my arms or my neck and head. I have started to clench my jaw which I never used to do and have to consciously make an effort to relax it. I have a constant headache that no amount of ibuprofen will fix. The hope that I had after I saw my doctor is dwindling to almost non-existent. I am at a low that I haven't been at in a while. While I am not a depressed person, I have several depression symptoms. The situation seems hopeless but that is where you have to kick yourself in the butt and yell at your brain and say, "Stop it! Just stop it!" And the pep talk to myself begins as follows:
Fibromyalgia IS treatable! You are doing the best you can today and tomorrow will be different. Sure, today is a bad day; a really bad day! But, you know what? You are doing a good job! You are fighting and some days you can't fight as hard as you normally do and that is ok! The pain is no fun. The headaches are no fun. The destroyed house is no fun. But you will survive and you will make it to fight another day. You have researched and you have worked hard to find out treatments that will help. You are taking your medicine and you are going to therapy. You are a survivor and you will survive this flare, just like every other one you have encountered. You will look back and say, "That was bad but I didn't give up and now look at how far I have come." So stop focusing on the negative and keep going. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going even when you don't want to. You are a fighter and Fibromyalgia is not going to win this time either. Suck it up cause you CAN do this.
Remember, people reading this blog, you cannot rely on others to be your motivation for change or for your hope. Sometimes you are the one who has to give yourself the pep talk cause nobody else is around to do it. You are worth the pep talk and worth the fight. Keep fighting, even on days when you don't want to. We will win this. As Dr. Rodger Murphree says, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." Happy eating!
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