The trouble with going to the doctor is...

I had an odd experience today. I have had several of those here lately. I suppose that I should backtrack a bit for today's experience in order for it to make any sense. While this summer has been awesome, it has been full of medical stuff and me feeling like I'm falling apart. Here's the backstory:

Back in late May I woke up to some pain in my shoulder. I had injured my arm in September of last year while at work and a cortisone shot had seemed to fix the issue. However the pain came back making me wonder if the cortisone shot just covered something up that was really wrong. A doctor's trip, an MRI, and a diagnosis later, I am now scheduled to have surgery this upcoming Tuesday to fix the injury that happened in September. During all of this, I have been seeing another physician about hormones and a possible reason as to why I haven't been able to lose weight and why I might be feeling off in so many ways. He thinks that I might have Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome. (If you have had a tubal, you might check this out. It has many of the same symptoms as fibromyalgia and there is a lot more information on it.) On top of all of that two weeks ago I woke up from a nap with excruciating pain on my right side. Being in the medical field I started thinking of possible reasons to have that amount of pain. Appendix? Kidney stone? Some sort of horrible thing that I don't even know about? Having the luxury of being an hospital employee can come in handy when you are in excruciating pain. I didn't want to go to the ER so I called to see if it was really necessary. I was told to go in and see because my thinking of appendix or kidney stone were valid possible diagnoses. I went in. After blood work, a cat scan, and a couple doses of pain medication later, I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst. However after looking at the final report read by the hospital's radiologist, he said it looked normal. I asked him about it in person since I work in radiology and he said that my right ovary was definitely bigger but nothing that looked too horrible for him to read it as abnormal. He agreed that there might be a cyst but an ultrasound would show it better. I was told to keep a follow-up doctor's appointment that I had already scheduled and see what my family doctor said.

And now we are back to today. It finally came time to see my family doctor. He knows the history that I have been dealing with as far as hormones and surgeries and...he just knows me. I was hoping to get some answers of what on earth was going on. I'm still having a dull aching pain where the extreme pain was and certain movements will turn it back into the excruciating pain all over again. I was in the room and giving my history when a knock came on the door. Another nurse peeked her head in asking if it was ok if they rescheduled me because Doc just was called to deliver a baby. For some unknown reason tears welled up in my eyes and I just said, I don't know. I'm not on pain meds due to surgery on Tuesday so it wasn't like I was delirious or something. I'm not a sappy person. Things like having to reschedule do not upset me. I'm easy going and usually have no issue with going with the flow. Things like PMS do not happen to me and have never been an issue, even with the hormone issues. Both nurses instantly started working to figure out a way to make things better and to help me stop crying. I kept saying, I have no idea why I'm crying. I'm not like this. They just were reassuring and sweet and wonderful and rescheduled me for later in the day. All I kept thinking is, "What is wrong with me?"

And that is just it...I don't know what is wrong with me. I have this diagnosis of Fibromyalgia that I question all the time. Do I really have it because people that have this hurt ALL the time and I don't. Or I won't let the pain get to me because I am stubborn and don't have time to let it get to me.  I wonder if that is what I really have. When I have a theory about what might be causing me to feel the way I do and present it to the doctor, he/she will agree that it is a valid reason I might be feeling that way. The appropriate test will be ordered to check for said possible diagnosis and the results come back normal. That just reiterates my wonderment of "what is wrong with me?" The fear that this is all just in my head and if I am starting to just go crazy. The pain is real. I hurt. I want to know WHY! The beauty of the right sided pain is that my shoulder pain has been forgotten about. The sad part is that now I cry at doctor's offices and the crazy part of me is showing its ugly head and I hate it. Hopefully this afternoon I will get some answers, even if it is that I am certifiably crazy.


UPDATE post doctor's visit: I, according to the doctor (my best friend and husband might differ), am not crazy. After telling him all the symptoms, he believes that I might have adhesions associated with my last c-section. He said it would explain the pain with various movements and why it comes and goes. He also said that it explains why it didn't show up on any tests that I had. Unfortunately since I have surgery Tuesday he really can't do much until after I have recovered from it a bit. So I go back in a month to check pain levels and start checking out medicines that might help.Answers are a good thing. Even the bad answers that tell you that something is wrong with you and there is nothing that they can do (for now) at least explains the mystery and gives you some sort of peace of mind. Peace of mind is a precious thing!  

The trouble with "knowing what to do" is...

I have researched for so many years everything that you would ever want to know about Fibromyalgia. I have tried so many diets and pills and vitamins that when I try something new that I often times will find that I am hearing the same information all over again.Many of the information overlaps. Ya see, the problem that I deal with is that I have "been there, done that" with so many Fibromyalgia fixes that I get discouraged.

I have been very discouraged lately. I went and saw my family physician about 2 months ago for severe Reynaud's symptoms (it is where when you get extremely cold you lose the feeling in your hands and feet because you hyper-sensitive body thinks that you are freezing to death and decides to move all of your body temp to the core to protect your organs and keep you alive) and migraines. I had my follow-up appointment last Friday. I had a ton of lab work drawn to rule out Lupus and H-Pylori (a bacteria that grows in your stomach and causes issues). Guess what!? I'm healthy as can be. So when I finally saw doc I questioned him that if I am healthy as a horse, why do I feel like crap? Doc attributed my depressed attitude to the weather. He said a lot of it comes with it being March and the many months of winter wear on a person, particularly females. He told me to get out in the sun and take some extra vitamin D and see him back in 2 months to see if my symptoms subside.

Another thing that I did today was go to an Intergrative Wellness Center affiliated with the hospital where I work. They treat the entire body, not just the physical. The paper work that I did was the most exhaustive work up that I have ever had the pleasure of doing. It not only asked me about the typical medical issues, it asked me about my stress levels, my enjoyment of life, my spiritual satisfaction, etc. The physician that I spoke with spent an entire hour with me and asked me all sorts of questions and then spent the last 15 minutes or so giving me his recommendations. Ya know what, I have heard it all before. I know what to do to get healthy, however, I have no desire to do it. I need to figure out a way to motivate myself. I'm not saying that the visit was wasted. It was a good visit and I learned quite a bit about the physician's pillars that he referred to. He addressed things concerning my stress level that I hadn't ever thought of. He said that I was doing great as far as exercise and having the desire to learn. He even had a possible reason for my lack of weight loss and extreme fatigue and hormone issues that I have dealt with that weren't even Fibro related. The main area where I was lacking was diet. He said that the body cannot be expected to perform at full capacity in a way that is beneficial if I am not fueling it properly. He also said that my sleep routine needed to change and I needed to start to unplug and give myself down time. Essentially I need to develop some ways to relax of which I have always struggled with.

I have the knowledge. It is just that you have to use it for it to do you any good. I know how to eat correctly to make myself feel good. I know how to exercise in order to make my body stronger. I know that learning actually makes the brain stay stronger long into old age. I KNOW ALL OF THIS. However, I have to put it into practice and that is where I am lacking. Practice makes perfect...right? Well this girl, if she is going to get her Fibromyalgia cure, has got to start doing some practicing. In the words of the physician that I saw today, "The 17-day diet won't fix these issues. I need you to practice the 1700 day diet and maybe we will start to get somewhere." I guess I should get started on day 1 then, right? I have said so many times that I am on a journey to find a cure. I can't stop now when I know that I am so close. I know that I can do this. I just need to focus on some motivation. And when that happens my journey will flourish and be something that I can share with the rest of you. Until then, enjoy your journeys as well!

The trouble with a snow day is....

It's a snow day in my part of the world. I'm declaring today, "No Makeup Wednesday!" It is my declaration that I will not be getting out in this nasty weather. I wish that I could declare these days more often, but today will do. 

I haven't updated my blog in what seems forever. Part of that is because my life is insanely busy with taking 18 hours this semester in order to finish my Bachelor's degree in May. Along with that I still work full time on the weekends and have a crazy family to take care of. Essentially, my free time is non-existent. However this snow day is allowing for a much needed blog post. 

More and more of my friends are getting diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I hate this for them because I have been on this journey for a while and they are just getting started on it. While I hate having this diagnosis, I feel that I owe my friends all the information that I have cleaved from the years of research. So today's blog post is for those who are newly diagnosed with this crazy disorder and are just wanting to know the basics of how they can make themselves feel better. So here are my top 6 things to know about Fibromyalgia:

1. Movement is your friend!

    

I say this because I know too many people that have taken a "Curl up and Die" approach to handling their fibro symptoms. I'm not saying that you don't feel like you could curl up and die. What I am saying is when you feel like all you want to do is stay in bed for the second or third day in a row, you force yourself to get up out of bed and go. This semester I purposely took weight training and Zumba classes. They are one hour a piece but I believe that it has made a huge difference in this crazy schedule that I currently have. 

2. Get plenty of sleep!

Don't laugh at me on this one. It is true. Every time that I end up in a flare, the first thing that happens is that I cannot sleep. My body is in such a state of fight or flight it will not let me rest. Once I can finally flip that switch back to a normal state of sleep, it seems that I can ward off most of my future flares. I recently got a FitBit that will monitor my sleep. I love it because it will tell when I am restless and not getting deep sleep. It doesn't matter if you get 10 hours of sleep if you are restless  for 6 of those hours. I'm not a fan of sleeping pills but if they help jump start the normal sleep again then use them as an aid. 

3. Read everything that you can about Fibromyalgia!

It is kind of like those 80's "The More You Know" commercials. The more that you can read about the disease the more that you can fight it with. I have said many times that I have 3 favorite books about Fibromyalgia that I recommend. The first book is called "Taming the Beast" by Dr. Kantika Merwe (http://www.amazon.com/Taming-Beast-Guide-Conquering-Fibromyalgia-ebook/dp/B00H0IUY2O/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1425494830&sr=1-1&keywords=taming+the+beast). She is a chiropracter that started working mostly with Fibromyalgia patients and worked to find what worked. My second favorite is Treating and Beating Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. He lays it all out of what it is and what causes it. (http://drrodgermurphree.com/treating-and-beating-fibromyalgia-and-chronic-fatigue-syndrome/) The last book I got at the library and it was a quick read. It is called Figuring Out Fibromyalgia by Dr. Ginerva Lipton (http://www.amazon.com/Figuring-out-Fibromyalgia-effective-treatments/dp/0982833970). I like her book because it is written from her perspective as a Fibromyaglia patient. She was diagnosed while going through med school and took a year off. During that year she did every test imaginable to figure out why she suddenly had all these symptoms. She tells the pros and cons of each test and how they work for some and not for others. 

4. Learn to be ok with not being ok!

So many times I beat myself up over not having a perfectly kept house and not being an awesome Mom or wife because I just physically can't do it. I have to remember that I am sick even though you can't always see it from the outside. And  you know what...THAT'S OK!!!! There are some days that I have to lay in bed all day because I know that if I don't go ahead and take a sick day that my symptoms are going to drag on a lot longer than I would like. One of the major issues that I hear all the time is that the people they love most are usually the ones who say, "You know if you would just suck it up you would feel better." Whether it be a spouse or a parent, it hurts when those who are supposed to be your support system are essentially saying that you are not really sick when you really are. It stinks having flu symptoms but not really having the flu. Learn that you will awesome days and not-so-awesome days. Nurse your flares and take the time that you need but be willing to push yourself as well or you will end up in "Curl Up and Die" mode that we discussed early.

5. Keep a journal!

Or a blog in my case. I keep a journal too though. It helps me see when my stress levels are up, when I'm eating crappy food, or not getting enough sleep. Usually the combo of the three is what will send me into a flare. However if I can be aware that those things are going to be in my life, I can take necessary precautions that I have learned that work for me and hopefully prevent a flare. It has taken years of work and research to get to the point that I know what causes my flares and what prevents them. Learn and study yourself. Enlist a spouse or loved one so that they can help you notice things that you might not. My husband has often times noticed things about my diet and such that I do not. 

6. Fibro Fog is just part of the deal of having Fibro.

I call it "the dumb". My best friend laughs at me because I will often times say to her mid-story, "I'm sorry. I have the dumb and can't remember." Simple things that you could remember easily will slip your mind. Sure that is part of growing older but it is WAY worse in fibro patients. Something as simple as the name of someone that I have known for years will slip my mind and for the life of me I will not remember. I have to write down EVERYTHING! If I do not, I will not remember. I don't care how many times that I have tried to convince myself that this one time I will remember, I won't. So buy one of those 6 packs of little notebooks at Wal-Mart for $1 and keep one with you. Trust me. You will thank me for this one. 

Well that is my list. I hope that it might help those of you whom have just been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and even those who might have had it for a while. This disease is very manageable and you can still live a very full and active life. You just have to learn how to do so. Have a fabulous day and take a nap if you want! I give you permission!