The past 2 days have been rough. As I have written in the past I HATE taking my meds. I know that they make me feel better, but I don't want to start building up that tolerance and have to need tons of meds when I'm older. My pain level has been up so I have been having to take my pain meds more than I would like to. Granted, I usually take the lowest dose allowed and I can take more if needed, but I don't even like taking the lowest amount, even if it does make me feel better. I know it doesn't make sense, but that is how much I hate taking medicine.
Also, in the past 2 days, I met 2 more people that have fibromyalgia. Working in the medical field, I know that there is a stigma that goes along with this disease. Many physicians see us as hypochondriacs or drug seekers. It bothers me. It actually bothers me a lot to the point that I don't even like to be associated as a person with fibromyalgia. I know that I shouldn't be that way and I should stand up for the disease because I know how real it is, but I just don't have the energy to fight that battle right now. So I choose to be silent in most cases and keep very private about having fibro with most of my colleages in the ancillary departments.
One of the people I met this weekend was a person that helps create the stigma that goes along with fibromyalgia. This person was one of the MANY people that I have encountered that makes me want to disassociate myself away from the disease. One of my co-workers asked a question of what brought them to the medical facility and this person went on, like I have heard so many times, to tell that they have a myriad of diseases and end it with, "and I also have fibromyaglia." My co-worker, knowing that I was struggling with the disease as well, and also knowing that I was looking for answers to get help, nonchalantly asked, "Really, Jennifer has fibromyalgia. What do you take for that?" And thus the conglomerate of medications in gross amounts of doses flowed from the person's mouth. I was amazed the person was even in an upright position. My co-worker asked how the individual was able to function of which they replied, "Well, I usually just sleep all day." And once again, I was embarassed to be a part of the fibromyalgia community.
The other person that I met was a very sweet medical professional "trying" to help me in my goals to live a pain free life. She was new to the department that she was working in, a traveler that helps out when needed and I got her on her very first day. Lucky me. She spent most of the time talking about herself, introducing herself I suppose, in order to make me feel more comfortable. We actually had several things in common and I was able to follow the things that she spoke of. She also told me that she had fibromyalgia and was excited to work with me because she was now pain free and off all of her meds and was hoping to help me in any way that she could. Hope was restored because her testimony was my goal. That hope, unfortunately, was dampened the more that she talked.
As she prepared me for my therapy session I had to get into a gown. On my lower back, I have a tattoo; a tramp stamp I suppose you could call it, but it is much larger than the typical tramp stamp. It actually fills up my entire lower back. Because of its size, you cannot miss it. She commented on its elaborate nature and I told her that it was a charm bracelet and the "charms" represented all the things that are most dear to me in my life. In the middle of it is my favorite Bible verse, Isaiah 30:21. She asked me what it says and I quoted it, "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, 'This is the way, walk in it.'" She corrected me and quoted it in King James. I just blew it off. As I layed there, on some moist heat, she continued talking to me, asking me about my church preference, my religious history, etc. She then asked me if I had ever heard of a certain preacher and his divine healing ministry. I told her that I had not. She then began to tell me that he was a pre-med student and pastor and he began to do his own research and that he had come to the realization that all ailments or diseases are the results of various demons speaking lies into our lives. Yeah....so the conversation progressed and she went on to tell me how she met the guy and he did a complete profile on her and that her lies were fear and the feelings of a spouse who did not care about her.
TIME OUT: I do not want to come off as bashing this woman at all. Or the other person that I spoke of. I am all for any person's way for dealing with this horrible disease. I am just venting in my search for MY answers to how to help MYSELF. TIME IN:
So, she went on and on, talking about herself as she struggled to figure out how to take care of me and carry out medical orders on her first day on the job. It was frustrating because I really needed some relief from the pain that I was in and what I got was a poorly done therapy session. I cried the entire way home from my appointment.
Fibromyalgia stinks. Every person who has fibromyaglia is different. Everyone responds to different things and hardly any physician wants to take on the challenge of figuring out what it really is. Just like the 2 people that I met, each person seeks out different relief. For one, they choose to just be drugged out of their mind and sleep their life away. That may be fine for that person, but I don't want to do that. And while I am happy that the woman was able to deal with her marital and fear issues, I don't necessarily believe that it is a demon causing my "afflictions". And thus lies my issues with the disease. There is no, one single, cut and dry treatment for fibromyalgia. Its a guessing game of try this and try that and I hope this one doesn't make you too sick cause its your only hope, etc. Every book I have read talks about ALL the treatments out there for fibromyaglia and how you have to pretty much try them all and find out what works for YOU. And that is the reason for this blog. I hope that in my journey to find out what works for me that maybe, just maybe, you can possibly find something that can work for you as well...even if it includes casting out a demon or two. :)
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