I cannot think of a time EVER that my husband has lied to me. Its a blessing and a curse at times. When I come out in an outfit that I think looks amazing and he asks, "Are you gonna wear that?" it can be very hurtful and I usually go change. However, when he says something really sweet, I know that he means it.
Today, my husband spoke a truth that will probably forever change my life (and probably the lives of those around me). I was in my usual procrastinator state of getting out of bed and he nonchalantly said, "You know I think this gluten-free thing is working for you. I can tell that you bounce back quicker than you used to." I was still laying in bed at the time and I asked him to clarify his statement. He looked at me and stopped what he was doing and said, "Can you think of a time recently that you have been in this good of a mood on a Monday morning?" It wasn't that I was up and about and acting like Mary Poppins. I was in bed for Pete's sake. However, I WAS alert and I WAS joking and loving and ME! The statement caught me off guard but in a good way. I still hurt but it wasn't debilitating. I also noticed my fog had lifted or at least seemed to have let up some. When I finally hit the point of, "if I don't get up now my kids are gonna be late for school", when I sat up, I didn't do my usual dreadful groan, and I also didn't limp to the bathroom.
While I am somewhat elated and encouraged by his words, there is a sadness that comes with them. It means this gluten free thing that I have started is going to have to become a lifestyle, not just a 2 week stint. It also means that, with me being me, that I now need to learn everything there is to a gluten free lifestyle, cause that is just how I am. And probably the hardest part of all, is that I can no longer walk into any restaurant or friends' home and eat whatever I want. I have to worry about what is in each item of food, and question it, and then be questioned about why I need to know, and then have the pity card thrown in my direction. I don't want pity. I want to be healthy and the person that I know I should be. I know that this upcoming few months is gonna be a LOT of work.
While I don't mind being taken care of when I am truly, and I mean, can't get out of bed, sick, I detest being pitied when I am just living my everyday life. EVERYONE is fighting a battle of some sort. Even though I write a blog about fibromyalgia, I HATE talking about it in front of other people. I don't want their pity. I don't want to seek it out. I don't want to spend an evening out with my ladies discussing what I use to help me sleep or how I deal with the pain. This is MY battle, not their's. I also don't want the stigma that goes along with having Fibromyalgia. I work in the medical community. I know how doctors talk about fibromyalgia patients. I know that they see us as lazy and drug seekers. And I want to blow that stigma far, FAR away from me. (****Disclaimer****Just because I said that last statement, please don't think that I am calling YOU lazy and a drug seeker. I am not. Also, if you are my friend and you have questions about fibro, I am an open book. Please just seek me out one on one. Otherwise, I will blow you off and not answer your questions as detailed as I would if we are in a one on one setting. So lets go have a gluten free lunch together. ****Disclaimer ended****)
I know that I have this awful disorder. I have every symptom. I keep finding things that are related to fibro that I didn't even know that were symptoms until I am doing research later and find that some ailment that I have had is a known symptom of the disorder. I know that it is real! Unfortunately, Fibromyalgia is one of the most overly diagnosed conditions in the world. Doc explained it perfectly to me. Someone comes in to a doctor with unexplained pain, labs are normal, tests done are normal, everything is normal, yet this patient looking for answers...a diagnosis...for why they feel why they feel. The doctor doesn't want to say, change your diet or exercise more or "suck it up sista". A doctor's job is to diagnose problems and in most cases give meds for said problems. Fibro is such a multi-symptomatic condition that it is easy to say, "You have fibromyalgia syndrome. Here, have a pain pill and an anti-depressant." And sadly, when a doctor gets someone like me that says, "I don't want those meds. I want to know why my body is acting this way. Fix me naturally." The response is usually, "Then I'm sorry. I cannot help you."
So here's the deal (pickles): Don't give up! YOU are paying the doctors to help you. They work for YOU! If you don't like what your doctor is prescribing you for help, you have the right to question. You have the right to say," why do I need to take this pill. Is there something else I can do?" There are doctors out there who are willing to work and help you figure out why you feel this way and its okay to seek them out and get their opinion. Some people see that as breaking loyalty to the doctor they have had for years but it is not that at all. You have to worry about YOU. I'm not saying that a pill won't help you. I take medicine when I am at my worse. But I don't want to depend on it to get me out of bed in the morning. You are the one in control of your treatment. Before you start a regimen of prescription meds or insane amounts of vitamin therapy or some fix-it-all pill, research it people. In a world filled with Google and libraries, why would you not. Find a doc YOU trust and run it by them and get their advice. Fibromyalgia is a hard condition to have. Don't let it rule you! You can be the one in control, it just takes a lot of hard work. Blessings and soft hugs my fellow fibromites!
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