It's 4am in the morning. I'm wide awake. I have no idea why. Full moon? Too much caffeine? Who knows? All I know is that this is the 3rd time that I haven't slept at all overnight in a two week time span and it is getting old. And when I say at all, I mean not a wink, wide awake, not even tired.
The last time that I had bouts of insomnia like this I was pregnant with Kyle, who is now 4. Back then I thought it was my body preparing for long nights of no sleep staying up with a newborn baby. Actually, that is the exact words that my family doctor told me as I questioned why I would be able to stay up all night and then be able to go all day as well with no wearing down. Now I am wondering if it is just my body being the freak of nature that it is. What I can tell you is that it is freaking annoying.
Ya see Fibromyalgia is a freak of nature in and of itself. It takes a perfectly wonderful human being and turns he/she into some sort of autoimmune disaster. It's rude! And more importantly I HATE it! I absolutely hate having this diagnosis. It has prevented me from being the amazing, perfectionist, parental unit and wife that I always imagined I would be. Fibromyaliga takes my super human awesomeness and makes me "human" again. It's my krytonite and I never know when it's going to hit.
Two months ago I was healthy. I was eating well. I was working out 3-5 days a week. I was starting to obtain my awesomeness back. Then I worked an extra shift, went camping, and lost some sleep and BAM, I got shingles. Things that normal people do takes my body to a level that it just can't handle and I end up with some immuno-comprimised state and end up with a suppressed case of chicken pox. A weekend of making memories with my family became krytonite and took me down and I never saw it coming.
And this has been my life for the past 17 years. I get amazingly healthy. I will feel like I can conquer the world which in my life means I can keep my house clean, I can cook nightly for my family, and I can be the amazing wife and mother I long to be. Then some sort of stress that I didn't see coming kicks that person out of the way and leaves me as this weakling who needs to take naps, who can't exercise, and has to take pain meds just to make it through the day. I hate this person when she shows up. And I never know when she is going to go away for a while. And thus is the life of a person with Fibormyalgia. There are good days and bad days. The good days are awesome and the bad days stink.
What I have realized is that that is just part of life. It does no good to throw pitty parties during the bad days because the bad days will pass. They always do. You just gotta get through the bad days. So if you are reading this and you, too, are in the middle of a bad spell, keep going. It will pass. So hang in there, wear your hat to your pitty party and then get your rest and wait for it to pass. You can do it. I'm doing it so I know that you can too. It's okay to hate every aspect of it too. You will have crappy days just like everyone does at times. So keep going and you will return to your awesome state in no time. Rock on my fellow Fibromites. This day is still a gift so use it to be awesome, even if you have to stay in bed all day.
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